In a Perfect World...

Just a slower day at work, leaving me with to much time for the wheels in my head to turn, twist, break, and rebuild.

I've got a terrible desire to be out in the country, like worse than normal, like I want to run out of work and drive straight out to corn fields, grain bins, and fresh air. I don't know why the feeling today is so extreme, but I got to thinking about what I would be doing in a perfect world, and right now I would be digging in a garden outside my home, which in a perfect world would be my Grandparents house. I wouldn't be worrying about how to pay my bills, I would be worrying about the vegetables that I need to grow in order to live off of them and give them to neighbors. I don't want to spend money on fast food anymore, I want to have chickens for eggs, and a garden for vegetables, why not have a cow every year and keep a freezer full of meat? I just think about all the ways I want to live off of my own hard work...

Every Morning when I get just a taste of that fresh morning air, all I can think about is being outside all morning... Doing something on my little farm to provide for myself and the people I love.

It is official, I am supposed to be out in the country, the city life is cramping my style... I appreciate the opportunities and the things I've learned, but now I just count down the days until I can breathe fresh air again.

Ok bear with me as I travel even deeper into dreamy dream land...

I think about how much I love my grandparents house, and how the land it is on has been in my family for over 110 years, I think my Grandma and I figured 117 last time we checked. My Grandpa's parents built a house and lived there, then my Grandma and Grandpa, then my parents right down the road, I want to keep that land and I want to plant my own memories there. I think about how perfect that place would be for me and .... "My signifigant other" ( I don't want to sound too crazy in planning who my husband will be, but I'm quite sure you can guess who is in my farm fantasy)

There is so much room, there are big yards, big trees, big buildings for all the big projects you know who is always working on. There is history and there is work to be done.

So here is a thought that crosses my mind... I talk myself out of it, but it always comes back.

My Grandma is out on that farm by herself right now, and while we would all like to assume that she will be ok by herself, I often wonder why I'm not there with her, they pay someone to drive her around and everyone knows I would gladly do that, there is SO much I could learn from her, I could learn to plant my garden with her supervision, I could try to work part time too, and I could have time to write... write and write and write... being in the country has always inspired words to come to me easier... less distraction, less noise.. Obviously I would need to work to continue to pay off medical bills, etc... but if I didn't have to pay rent it would save a lot. What keeps me from starting this dream?

WHY CAN'T I BE IN JEANS, T-SHIRT, AND A BASEBALL CAP, DIGGING IN THE DIRT RIGHT NOW?