Distraction from Reeses

ha - Yes, I have a packagee of Reeses on my desk and I want to eat them, but I just ate lunch and I have three hours left in my work day and I figure I should save them as a snack, at least let my lunch digest a little before devouring them. Reeses Peanut Butter Cups are my favorite candy. I've officially decided that, if I were a state, my state candy would be Reeses. Ok, so you get my point- anyway, the bosses have left for a while today and I don't have a whole lot going on, so I decided to take a break and write again. I don't have much of anything interesting going on to write about but oh well...

Tonight is Jarad's Ham Radio Club Meeting, and apparently the guest speaker is some emergency weather guy, so Jarad is excited and wants me to go with him, so I am, I'm excited for the social part of it, the old guys in this club are very funny and the women are probably twice as funny... lol... so I'm looking forward to it, afterwards I think we are going to go over to our friend's Niki & Chris's house- we've never been there and have been making promises to stop by for a while. Jarad has to work early on Saturday morning so it won't be a late night, but I'm kind of glad... I've been really tired lately, and I thought I was getting sick because my body has been really achy and I've been getting headaches more frequently.. so I'm hoping that some extra sleep will help with that this weekend. I have to say, it was one of those weeks that flew by, but seemed to last forever. I know that doesn't seem to be possible, but if you have had a week or day or even month or year that has flew by but each individual moment seemed to drag on.. you will know what I'm talking about.

Last night Jarad and I went out driving in the truck in the country for a while before we met a friend at franky's for pizza and a pitcher... it was soooooooo nice to be a.) in the truck because it wasn't running for a while, and b.) out on our gravel roads... those roads have been there for Jarad and I thru our entire relationship, those roads are our relationship counselor, our retreat from reality, our laughter and our tears... the night we reunited we went driving on those roads, and every time we find ourselves stressing over our lives, or each other, we find that a drive in the country with no place to go, allows us to open our minds and our hearts to each other... it really means a lot to me, I feel like I can breath again when we get out on a road where all you see is fields and random farm houses in every single direction, no distractions of tv's or computers, just the radio with good music, the rumble of the truck, and the sound of our voices... These things that I'm talking about right now, are the things that have led me to so concretely believe that I need to settle down and live my life in the country....

So, I realized I need to pull myself out of that daydream.. lol.. it's kind of like going to my happy place and I could ramble about it for a very long time... so what else? Well, no major plans for this weekend, which I'm pretty happy about, I'm sure I'll find some random project, I need to spend some time with my Madre... she and my Dad were in Mexico for two weeks, they came back last saturday and I haven't even seen her since they've been back, and I didn't get to see them before they left either, so probably haven't seen the rents for over a month, and tho that's actually pretty typical for our family, my Mom dropped some hints that she would like to have dinner or something to catch up and hear about the oh so exciting life of Jarad and Kate..lol..

It's interesting for me to observe the relationships of parent/children... I moved out of my parents house on August 17th, 2003 and I've never lived with them since, I lived in the dorm for a semester, an apartment with my cousin in Lincoln for 2 and a half years, and then in several apartments and homes in Omaha for the last 3 years... I've had to pay my own bills, budget my money, and take care of my own stuff for 6 years.. granted I'm not saying I did all of those things correctly all the time, it was a learning process, and I learned a lot! Jarad has officially been out of his parents house for one year now.. and I know he too has gone thru the learning process, but sometimes I feel like the different levels that we are on in this process can be a strain... probably more so on me, mostly because I'm female and I over analyze most everything, but sometimes I just wish that he would actually listen and learn from the 5+ years I have of experience over him, just on this one thing.. he is always teaching me things, I learn soooo much from him and I appreciate that, in fact I need it... but he doesn't really ever want to learn from me, or at least he doens't want to admit it, most things I try to explain to him, he disregards or already knows more about it than I do.. maybe it's just because I put him on a pedestal because I think he is amazing, so I assume he already knows everything.. lol.. he isn't a "know it all" and he doesn't have an attitude (most of the time) and I know and love that he is sooooooooo intelligent, so I suppose I can handle his approach to learning from me... at least for now :)

Well, time is not going fast enough today, I really want a reeses.. ha

I got a few things that came to me while I was writing this, that I need to do for work, so hopefully I'll get those done and it will be 2:30pm- I am sneaking out at 2:30pm today.. I stayed late yesterday and no one will be here between 2:30 and 3 to know when I left.. haha Anyway, enjoy your day, enjoy your weekend (even though it will be cold and miserable, at least in NE) stay warm with those you love...

A little of this a little of that...

I've obviously been neglecting the ol' blogger- and since I am FINALLY having a slow day at work, I decided to stretch my fingers and release some thoughts, since I clearly have not done so in a while, and Jarad has commented that he does not approve of my writers strike (more like writers block for me) I let my head get wrapped around too many other things, there is always something that seems more pressing, or more important. For example, my latest endeavor has been getting one of my medical bills paid off, I plot and plan, and I get on my spread sheet and calculate if I only pay this on that, and that on this, I can pay this much on that bill. Well, the good news? It works! My goal was to have the bill paid off by April 10th, and I will actually have it paid off by March 13th, so I'm a month early! Which is fantastic because that just means that is that much more money I can put towards another bill :) - I know, I let myself get too wrapped up in bills, money is money, there is never going to be enough of it, but when you get yourself in the debt that I did, after breaking my leg with no health insurance, it starts to weigh on you, you start to feel like your drowning in debt, not to mention the school debt I have (which compared to most is minimal, but still there) and then the random credit card debt, which again is very minimal, but with every other bill, not all that easy to just pay off. The good news is I got my merit raise, which is basically a 3% raise, which doesn't seem like much, but it's almost $70 dollars more per month, and I get my recruiting commission, which varies from month to month, but this month is almost $300 - YAY! Ok, seriously, do you see what I mean? My mind is one track, I can't even write about anything but budgeting.... argh - changing subject...

It's supposed to be almost 60 degrees out today, woo hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm leaving work by 3pm, and hoping to wash my car and spend some time outside.. I'm sort of like a guy when it starts to get nice out, I just tinker around the yard, looking for things to do, one of many reasons that Apartment living makes me want to throw up, there is no yard to wonder around!! Thankfully, I take advantage of Jarad's - it's small but I'm looking forward to fixing up the rock/bushes area around the house.

Speaking of the infamous JayRad... we are happy :) - He has been very concious of me lately, and I feel almost spoiled! He has been noticing things that I need or would like, and in return, I think I've become much less demanding and I'm completely satisfied with our life and our relationship, instead of constantly trying to improve it. We have definately reached a very spectacular place in our relationship, which we all knew would happen in due time, but man I'll be the first to admit it did not come fast and it did not come easy, but it was all totally worth it. Communication has been a key point that we have worked on lately, and something we will continue to work on I'm sure of it, I used to think that I was "the communicator" that I always said what needed to be said, but I've realized, that I think about everything that needs to be said, and I think that I'm showing it, but what I think in my head is not always what I'm showing and it's definately not what I'm saying (that might be confusing) but it makes sense to me and I'm working on actually saying the things I think, especially the good things, like when Jarad does or says something that I really like, I used to smile and assume he knew it, now I smile and make sure that he knows it.

I feel like I'm still kind of teeter-tottering in the career world.. I love my job, the people I work with are fantastic, they try to compensate me the best they can (especially in today's economy) but the bottom line is, I'm not going to be doing this forever. I already feel like, though I'm exceptionally good at what I do, it's because I should be, it's because I have a college degree, experience in a business setting, and I'm extremely driven, basically, I am probably over qualified for the job I do. Most of the staff around me do not have college degrees, and this is one of the first offices they've worked in- granted, our jobs are different, I work for the two vice presidents, they do not, I have to deal with recruiting, they do not, etc etc.. but in the end... someday, I will need to challenge myself again, and I'm terrified but excited to do that, and more than anything I'm clueless on how... I got a little time, I figure I'll be 24 in 6 months, a lot of people are just finishing or still in college at that age, I've been at my current job for 2 and half years, and... well, I just think that you know if in the next year or two an event were to be planned, that would require me to change my last name, and I would need to take some time off, I'd rather be at my job that is flexible and allows me quite a bit of time off... enough said. lol

So let me tell you about the very exciting month of March! First of all, coming up very soon is the Cross Canadian Ragweed Concert!!! This is Jarad's favorite band right now, and I can't lie, their music has very much grown on me, I've liked it from the beginning but originally I didn't like who introduced it to Jarad, now, I'm past it, you can't let immature people stop you from liking a really good band! So, that is March 4th, then I took March 5th off of work just because I knew it would be a late night and I'm due for just a day off :) - Then, March 17th is St. Patrick's Day, which is one of my FAVORITE holidays...it's a family thing, I've grown up knowing a lot about the Irish heritage in my family and so we like to make big to dos about the green holiday. Most exciting about St.Patrick's day is going to O'Neill, NE - that will be the weekend of March 20th- 22nd. My brother,sister-in-law, sister, brother-in-law, two of their friends, Jarad, me, and two of our friends are all heading up to O'Neill, it is the Irish capital of Nebraska and around St.Patrick's Day turns in to Spring Break in NE, haha - They have parades, and everyone dresses in their crazy green gear, every one of the 3 bars is jam packed full, they have food vendors all over the little town, and the hotel offers shuttles to and from any place you need to go (no driving after green beer) - Anyway, it's a blast and one I've enjoyed with my siblings for several years now. I can't Wait!!! THEN, the following weekend, Saturday, March 28th is my work Awards Banquet, it is at the Lied Lodge in Nebraska City, which I hear is really cool, Jarad and I got our dinner paid for, our hotel room paid for, all we need to do is show up in our black tie attire and have fun! There is also a wine tasting hayrack ride, which should also be really cool. I haven't been to Nebraska City since I was really young, so I'm excited to check it out... plus, most of the people I work with are a lot of fun, tho they are a bit different than Jarad and I are used to (since they are 'city folk') - they are really nice, and I think it's good for us to have a change of pace once in a while! So, yes March should be full of fun, although the weekends are jammed packed which means not a lot of time to relax! Oh well, it's about time we start coming out of hybernation!

I might as well keep going, I realized that today is Ash Wednesday, which means that today is the beginning of lent, and some people choose to give things up for the 40 days of lent... I was thinking about that, and it kind of seems like something I should do, maybe not for all the religious reasons, but more just a way to push myself into being a better person, for 40 days.. lol... gotta start somewhere right? - So I've been debating all day on what to give up, or what to start (ie excercising, flossing every day, etc) ideally, I'd like to go walking every day... but with the weather so up and down and me hating the cold so much... I don't know if I could get myself to do it on the cold days... then I thought about giving up fast food, which really wouldn't be that hard for me, I never crave fast food, but it would be difficult because for 1. I date Jarad who is hooked, and for 2. It's convenient... but really, I don't typically eat fast food unless its recommended by someone I'm with, ramen noodles are cheaper and just as convenient, (you can subsitute other things besides ramen, but you get my drift) - So if I do the fast food thing, I think I need to get JayRad on board with me... I weighed a couple of other options in my head, but with all the partying coming up, things like giving up beer would be nearly impossible... haha So, I'm currently undecided, I'll talk it over with a few more people today before I make my decision....

Hmmm, well it's 1:30pm- I have an hour and a half left to go, and I wish I could think of something that would make that time go quickly... but not be soo overwhelming that I have to stay late.. I have a few calls to make, but nothing that will take an hour and a half.. hmm - the thought of sneaking out at 2:30 weighs in the back of my head, it would just mean that I'd have to work later tomorrow and/or Friday, but hey it's supposed to be cold and freezing rain those days, so it's worth it... right?! We'll see, but I'll wrap this blog up for now- I hope my updates and rambling weren't too boring, Jarad was correct in saying that I need to write... for me it's like the need to eat, sleep, and pee... you just have to do it. :)

Until next time....

My own Tribune Comment

Yep, I'm putting it up again... It seems VERY NECESSARY to help my peace of mind and my opinon on some people today.

I read an article today in the Tribune regarding the Task Force in fremont, that was created to research the situation of Illeagal immigrants, they made suggestions to the City Council (which is what they were created to do in the first place) Anyway, then I read the comments of the citizens of Fremont and how they felt about the task force and illegal immigrants... It made me feel physically ill. I wanted to write a comment, but I decided to voice my own opinion on my own blog instead, it seemed safer and more appropriate. Here is what I can't understand... why does a person have to be illegal anywhere they go? I think all people should abide by some obvious rules, don't steal, don't kill, work for your money, support your family, send your kids to school, etc.. again the obvious things that every person has to do every day, beyond that.. I don't exactly understand why it matters if you were born here, or if your skin is a different color, or even if your first language is not the same as mine, it seems irrelevant... I guess when people try to pull the "they are illegal immigrants, what can't we understand about the word illegal?" - I just think why are they illegal? If I went to Mexico and worked and paid taxes and supported my family, why do I need some stupid piece of paper that says "your a citizen" - why would I be an illegal american? Why does it matter? Why can't we just live globally, if you want to move somewhere then go there and follow their rules and live your life. I understand that everyone is documented so that the government can keep track of us, so that we pay the taxes, so that we are a registered person on the earth, and ultimately I think that is the only reason they are called "illegal" because if they aren't documented then there is opportunity to screw the government out of taxes. News flash- everyone has the opportunity to screw the government out of taxes, EVERYONE - Not just people with brown skin and an accent. It blows my mind that some people can hate another human being SO much, when they don't even know them, why would you want to fill your heart with hatred ? I know people are going to say, crime, drugs, murders, blablabla- Come on that is a type of person, that is someone who made bad decisions, that's not a race, that isn't a color, or a language, I'm not a tree hugging hippy who is saying we should love everyone, there are absolutlely bad people in the world, that's right THE WORLD - I think the United States sounds like a stuck up group of teenagers at the cool table over lunch and instead of just pulling up another table so more people can join the table, they scrutinize and judge and complain and don't want anyone else to come to the table.

The system is flawed not just the system to become "legal" but the entire system of the way people are treated... I have redneck friends, I have rich friends, I have Mexican friends, I have black friends, I have Jewish friends, I have gay friends, you get my point- I'll be friends with any individual who is a good person, on that note, I have redneck enemies, rich enemies, mexican enemies, black enemies, Jewish enemies, and by enemies I mean people I don't like or who don't like me, and that is because they make poor decisions and want to be mean. If my 92 year old Grandma can accept people for who they are and what they do, rather than their race then what are these assholes bitching about when they write comments on the tribune website?

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I think everyone needs to consider individual human beings in their opinions, and stop generalizing and criticizing things that are different than themselves.

Random

If that picture above doesn't make you smile, I don't know what will. That is my neice Kinley and I absolutely adore her, she is growing up so fast and I feel like I'm missing a lot of it, just because I'm trying to grow up and figure out my life too...

Here is my brother and my nephew at Halloween, he is a super cute batman, and I'm also amazed by him, he will be 3 at the end of November and he is soo smart and sooo Hyper!

Another one of my sweetie, she was a leopard for Halloween, I asked if her little pony tail, was supposed to be her leopard tail? haha, this picture just makes me laugh every single time.

Here are my "roomates" - well my roomate and her boyfriend, who spends most of his time at our place. I love them both, two of my very best friends!

And of course, last but not least.. my dearest Jarad, adorable at every single moment, even when he is scowling and acting like a speaker, because he caught on speaker wire.. hehe.. I love him.

Decision '08

I just got done voting, and I have to say it does actually give you a sense of 'civic duty' - You hear people say that and it always sounds so cheesy and rediculous but honestly, I felt really good casting my vote. I guess for me it was another way that I'm growing up, I took the responsibility to register in my district, to find the polling place, and to go and vote. I really just felt it was important to be a part of history, no matter how the election turns out and it is a change for our country, the first black president, the first female vice president, the first time in 40 years that we have changed presidents in the middle of a war, I just think when I'm 90 and my grandkids ask me if I remember when these changes started happening, I'd like to say that yes I voted in the election that changed the world. Ha- ok making world changing might be a bit of an exaggeration, or at least we want to hope and believe it is.

I also called and Thanked my Mom today, because I realized that I have voted in every presidential election, plus some other ones, since I turned 18, since she is an elected official and she gets to keep her job because of people voting, she has instilled an importance of voting in me, whether she intended to or not, I realize that many young people don't have that influence and many of them do not vote or do not see the importance in it. So just another shout out to say - THANKS MOM! and again, whenever I process another important lesson learned from my Madre, I think about all the Mom's and all the lessons we all receive, which always makes me extend my shout out to ALL MOM's - Kudos to all the lessons you teach us and the years you wait while we learn to appreciate them!

So, beyond the excitement of Election Day, work has been pretty slow, the morning has kind of dragged on and I'm hoping that the afternoon will pick up a bit when my boss returns from Lincoln, but so far.. it's not looking promising.

On a relationship note, things are fantastic, Jarad and I are back to doing projects in the basement, always one of our favorite past times, and it seems that the roomate drama is dissapearing, so Thank Goodness for that!!! Jarad is amazing, he makes me extremely happy, and I'm realizing that so much of our issues before were simply insecurities and the more we progress in our relationship, the more open we are with each other and the more comfortable I become in myself, the better things are, they basically just keep getting better. I'm in it for the long run, and if I've learned to interpret "boy" - I think Jarad is too :)

Soo I guess that is it for now, there are a lot of things brewing in my mind buuuttt, I'm not quite ready to devuldge all my hopes for the near future, and I suppose that is the other part keeping me from talking to much, it may not be near future, let's just say, I think the ball is rolling and I'm thrilled!

Go Vote!

Happy Halloween Eve Day!

Not a lot to report, but I got about an hour left at work, with not a lot to do, so I figured I'd spit out a few sentences on here. I love my boyfriend. I love my job. I'm a little frustrated with my living situation, not because of my roomate, I love her, but because it's messy and I have to pay rent, and I'm not there very often, and because it's messy now, I don't want to be there because that just means more work, and I'm tired. I don't know why I've been so tired, I think it's just changing of the seasons and stress catching up with me- when it get's dark so early and is still dark when I wake up, it just kind of makes me tired all the time, plus, I need to get back on the excercise train because that would definately help my energy level, but again it gets dark and I just want to go to bed.. lol.

So, I don't know, I'm pretty content, not everything is where I want it to be, but at least it feels like it's on the right track there, even my finances seem to be at least on a positive track, don't get me wrong, I'm still in a crap load of debt but at least I'm down to two credit cards and they both have decent interest rates, I'll have one three hospital bills paid off by the first of the year, so that leaves me with two left, I don't know- I guess you would have to understand how much I was struggling before to understand how far I've come. I really just feel like life is coming together for me, slowly and it's not there yet, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it looks spectacular.

Well, I'm down to about 30 more minutes. Shouldn't be hard to waste 30 minutes, lol... at least it will be awesome to leave at 3 tomorrow again, the day will go much quicker, plus it's Halloween!

Oh!!! Tonight is a new episode of The Office!!! Can't wait! That show just makes me happy!

Also, time is flying by and I realized that before I know it, Jarad's birthday will be here! What do you buy a guy who has a lot of crazy awesome stuff, but also who wants a lot of crazy awesome stuff? haha - I have an idea, but it is kind of not personal enough, it's something that a friend or family member might get you, but I want to surprise him with something that a girlfriend would get him... and I have no idea what that is yet.. ha - Plus, Thanksgiving is kind of a mile stone for him and I, it's basically our one year anniversary, and god knows we have had some ups and downs in the last year, but we stuck it out and we still want to be together and we still want to put up with our crazyness, and well I love that guy more and more everyday, and not one day in the last 365 have I stopped loving him, to me, that is a milestone and something to celebrate. ( I know to people like our parents, who have been married 30 plus years, it doesn't seem like much) but to me it is still important. My plan is to combine his birthday and anniversary presesnts together, but still what that is, is beyond me!

I just had a few crazy ideas pop in my head, so I'm going to research those for the rest of my 25 minutes. Have a great night, and a scary but fun Halloween!!!!

So Maybe... I overreacted...

Yeah, that's right- I'm admitting it. I may have over reacted about the ignoring thing on Thursday, that's not to say that it was right or acceptable in anyway, and I still hate being intentionally left out, which I obviously was on Thursday- But, maybe I shouldn't have let it get to me SO much, I guess I just have a hard time dealing with someone being rude to me, if I deserve it or not, I would never ignore someone I love for an entire night, that's who I am, Jarad can and did, but it doesn't mean he loves me any less... we are just learning how to respond to each other. The good news is, the talk on Friday went really well, we both admitted our faults and agreed to try and work harder at improving them.

I'd have to say I had a really fantastic weekend, Friday night we got to do halloween stuff and hang out with some fantastic people, Saturday we helped them clean up the halloween stuff and it felt really great to help out good people, then of course we watched the game, which is enjoyable and relaxing (especially since we won!) and then after a nap we got up and went to Little Ricki's in North Bend for a couple drinks and some food, I was really happy to go there, really it just makes me happy to be back in our town. Even though I felt a bit like an outsider because the 'regular' north benders, who have never left the town, were all there in their same old click... but it was ok- no beef with them, just not a lot to talk about these days.. So we called it an early night on Saturday because Jarad had to work on Sunday at 6am, but that was more than ok with me, I was still tired from the late night/early morning on Friday, I actually fell asleep on the couch saturday night before Jarad did and he was the one who had to get up early!

Anyway, Sunday was house cleaning day, we had pretty much just lounged in our own filth all day saturday, after having people over on Friday night and then laying around eating and watching the game Saturday, the place was pretty gross, so I made sure Jarad had clean clothes and towels for the week, and picked up the kitchen, living room, and basement, I also asked Chris to mow the yard because I know its one of those things Jarad has been "meaning to do" but it's either been raining or he has been too busy.. anyway, I could tell that it made Jarad really happy to come home Sunday after a long day of work and not have anything to worry about, he had a clean house, a mowed yard, and a happy girlfriend, ha - I beginning to think I spoil that boy... I just can't help it :) I know he works hard, and I know that he does nice things for me, to make my life easier, I just want to do the same for him. Anyway, Sunday we went out for dinner and then hung out in The Cellar for most of the evening, I slept really well Sunday night and woke up on the Right Side of the Bed this morning.. haha I just mean, I had one of those mornings where I stretched and got out of bed and I wasn't running late, and it was just a really good morning.

My whole day hasn't been that cheery, as much as I was hoping it would be, seems like today is the day for stupid people to call and waste my time but oh well, I've made it through so far, and we are down to an hour... well when I started typing that sentence it was an hour and a half, but then I got caught up dong work and now its down to an hour, plus I was 10 minutes early so, I'll probably pack up by 4:45 today :)

So, I suppose I've succesfully wasted another 20 minutes since that last paragraph, just chattin with my fellow cube boys.. ha we were talking about halloween costumes, as they all have little kids that are dressing up, and I told them about my naked person costume.. which obviously sounds weird when you first say it, but I still think it would be pretty awesome... I would be a fully clothed nude person :) haha well actually I doubt I'll dress up at all, but who knows, usually I get creative at the very last minute, and we still have a week before hallows eve!

Bye bye miss american pie, drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was.. Bri... :)