Frrrrriiiiiiiiiii Day!

Well, I'm in a pretty good mood today- I had a great night with Jarad last night, and today the sun is shining and it's supposed to be 50! Plus, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Jarad will come to Omaha tonight, I am staying at my house for the majority of the weekend, I HAVE to get things organized or I'm going to go crazy, and I literally won't want to be there ever at all, which then means I leave my roomates to deal with the mess, which they should have to deal with some of it, but overall we all need to pitch in or we will end up in a pissy living environment which I HATE! Anyway, so today I'm getting off work (hopefully early around 2ish) and going home to clean, clean, clean!!

I'm giving Jarad the benefit of the doubt that he will show up and stay at my house tonight, first I said Wednesday, then he said Thursday, then he said Friday and Saturday.. so.. we will see. I love being at his house but there are some nice things to be said about my house as well. For one, my doggy is there and I always hate leaving her alone. For two, it seems like I have more privacy because I have less groupies, "people showing up randomly to chill at the house" and because even if there are people at my house, I have my own room and my own bathroom, so we could be naked all day and night.. haha JK

Sooo, I know I've been slacking in my blogging, everything is just going so well right now plus I'm busy at work and loving it.

I do want to say one thing, to my one and only actual blogging fan- Tomorrow would be two years, I'm glad you are still an important person in my life... Have fun with what you are doing, enjoy 21, be careful, and know I'll always be your friend.

Have a great day everyone <3

Fantastical...

Here are some very adorable pictures of Jarad and I... (I like to throw them in black and white sometimes.) I feel like Jarad and I are extremely good looking in these pictures, haha and well... we look happy and I love that. I love him... :)

Well, I shall bite my tounge about my last post... it was me, throwing a worry fit. Some of my worries were understandable and some were over analyzed, but it's what I do and lucky for me, Jarad was patient enough to talk with me about it, and he agreed to work on some of my requests and I agreed to some of his as well... The best part of it was that I noticed he actually did follow thru with what he said he would... which made the weekend an overall fantastical two days :)

As for tonight, my plan is to go the Ymca right after work, I figure that's the only way I'll actually go, because once I get home, I'm not going to want to head back that way, so Ymca then tanning, and then probably going to fremont. Jarad has finals this week, but that means he will probably get out of class early, and I want to help him clean up his house from the birthday party we had this weekend for his friend Tyler, plus he has just been sooo good to me this weekend that I'd like to go to fremont, instead of him worrying about coming over to my house. So that's tonight, and tomorrow is the Alanis/Matchbox 20 concert!! I'm going with my sister and I'm excited!!!

I think that is all for now, I'm in a good mood... I don't really want to be at work right now though.. It's kind of slow and I'd rather be doing about 5 other things ... I don't know, I might try to leave early.. we'll see... Hugs and Kisses everyone!

Timing...

I never used to think about the timing of things.. I'm a little impulsive, if and when I think something or feel something I typically would just throw it out there and expect people to respond... instantly. As I've said before, I'm not a real patient person.. but I'm working on that, I'm working on waiting for the appropriate times to say the things I need to say, and I'm working on waiting for a response, the right response as opposed to the initial response. I'm not sure either one of these tactics is working for me right now. At least with an initial response you get some honest feelings, instead of strategically placed statements... but with a patient response you can avoid saying hurtful things that are only said because it's "the heat of the moment" - I don't know, I'd be lying if I said I don't plan what I want to say before I say it, I'm a writer and I create entire scenarios in my head about conversations I want to have before I even begin to talk about them. It's just who I am... I'd like to think the person that I spend my life with will love that about me... will simply love me for who I am, flaws and all...

I hate the saying, "What goes around comes around" however, I'm a pretty firm believer in it.. something like Karma. I fear that something I did, something I experienced from one end is now happening to me from the other end. I wanted to love someone, because he was a fantastic boyfriend and a truely good person but I couldn't love him and though I tried and there were some really great times.. The love I wanted to be there, simply wasn't.... I've started to realize that it is possible that is what is going on with Jarad and I... except this time, it's Jarad that wants to love me and simply doesn't... It's a sad and dissapointing feeling, I can't even allow myself to get angry about it. You don't choose who you fall in love with... but it sucks when they aren't falling in love with you in return. It deeply bothers me that I made someone else feel the way I am feeling right now.. the self doubt, the questions that can't be answered, and the loss of someone who makes a huge impact on your life, I'm sorry...I only hope I can be as good of a person as he has been.

As for Jarad, I'm not in his head, I don't know what he thinks or feels and it's impossible to tell by his words or actions as they come so few and far apart and sparatically appear and disappear. The times when I think he loves me and probably when he thinks he loves me... are earth shattering, but I cling to those moments.. never knowing how long he will hold me, how long he will want to be close, or how long he will be focusing on only me... I let a sigh of relief go because for those moments, I'm right where I want to be... and then it's gone- his attention has been grabbed from me, his thoughts thrown around and his physical self removed from within my reach.

It's not the attention I've been craving all this time, it's thre real and true feeling of being loved by a man I have fallen so hard for that if a literal fall like this would occur it would have cracked my skull open, split my chest and exposed my swollen heart.

I'm not in love with the man who loved me, and I'm too in love with the man who doesn't...

The irony of my existence.

Go go go go go... Go

It's almost 4pm and my work day is finally winding down. Yesterday and today at work have been very demanding, and although I enjoy it and it makes the day go by a lot faster, it does wear me out by the end of the day, my brain just doesn't want to make decisions after 5pm. Anyway, so life seems to be flying around me... today started out strange, all the local schools are closed due to "extreme cold" - the sun is shining outside, but I guess with wind chills it is like negative 20 or something like that. All I know is I never got out of school due to "extreme cold" - in fact that just meant no recess.. so we actually had to stay IN school more! haha It just seemed very strange to watch the news this morning and see all the school closings, which usually means icy roads and a snowed in car... but neither of those were true, and I still had to be to work on time!

So, I had Monday off for Presidents day and that has been throwing me off all week, I keep thinking today is Thursday, because I guess I expected the week to go faster since it started on Tuesday, but it hasn't actually gone all that quick. Last night was a relaxing night, I stayed in bed for most of it, caught up on all my DVR'd shows and enjoyed being in my own bed. I miss Jarad but I guess I'm getting to the point where things need to equal out... he needs to spend a little time at MY place, sometimes it still feels like I'm giving giving giving and he is simply just existing... I know he works hard and I always try to be supportive, but what about when I am working hard... where is my support? Ahh well, I just deal with it. Tonight I'm going to the arena for dollar draws, after I go to pilates.. sort of opposites, excercise then beer, but oh well, I'm excited to spend time with my friends. Then tomorrow, I have plans to go gay bar hopping with my friend Michael, he needs a man and I'm down to find me a hot lady.. haha... jk- I haven't hung out with my favorite Bi-Guy in too long, so we scheduled a night of mystery and trouble.. :)

I'm not sure what Jarad will say or do about my schedule to stay in Omaha for a whole three nights in a row! I'm hoping maybe he'll miss me, I'm hoping maybe he'll get that he needs to come my way, or at least meet me in the middle... I'm worn out, I've put A LOT of effort into him and into us and I need some of that effort returned, I'm simply just tired... and once I rest up and get some me time in, I'm sure I'll end up going back to always giving and going and expressing because well.... I love that kid.

That's all for now, I literally don't want to keep my eyes open right now, I got plenty of sleep, I just know that if I can close my eyes my brain doesn't have to think about all the things in front of me... Adios and good snoozes for you ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

A Day To Love!

It's Valentine's Day, and as you may know... I have mixed feelings about this holiday.. it's very superficial, but also can be a lot of fun... Today, I received flowers from myself.. well actually from my boss, but I picked them out, just like I picked out everyone elses flowers that he sent... I've actually had a lot of fun watching my co-workers get their flowers, so giving (especially with someone elses money) can be more fun than receiving :)

So, I have some very beautiful flowers that smell amazing, AND I get to leave work at 3pm today... which is nice, it's crappy outside but I'm in a pretty fantastic mood, so I won't let that get ot me. I don't know what I have planned for this valentine's day evening, but as long as I'm with Jarad, I'm sure it will be fantastic!

I lost my train of thought, my co-worker's husband came in to bring her flowers for v-day and I had to go talk to him, I just love that guy!

Anyway, so life is pretty damn good right now, I feel good (doing pilates TWICE a week now)- I look good because of it and because I'm tanning ;) - and I'm happy... well because I'm in love with a wonderful person. So there you have it...

I've realized that I'm learning, I'm learning to not get upset when plans don't go the way I planned for them to... and it's made me a much happier person...

Sorry, I've been slacking in the blogs.. work has picked up and I've been busier than normal... I know, it doesn't matter.. I'm the only one who reads them anyways.. haha..

I love you all!!!

Waiting for Lunch

Well, I just ordered my lunch from Pizza Hut and now I'm waiting for it to be delivered and my stomach is rumbling. I am at a good stopping point for today, I had a busy and productive morning and there are a few things I have planned to accomplish this afternoon, but for now- I have the time to take a breather and write a little blog for my invisible blog subscribers. :)

Last night was MUCH better than I had originally anticipated it would be. I got out of work around 4pm, went tanning, relaxed in bed, watched House, and then talked to my sister on the phone, I went to Pilates and then came home caught up on some much needed cleaning and then Jarad came by, at which point he suggested I come back to fremont and stay at his house. I love when it's his idea... when he wants me there with him. So of course he smiles at me and I can't resist, I only drove half way and left my car at his work, then this morning I road to work with him... it was nice to save a little gas and to spend a little more time with Jarad, talking about our days. Then the evening was relaxing, watched a little family guy, ate some food, and attempted to go to bed early.

Tonite is bowling night, I won't see Jarad and that's sad but probably healthy. I'm hoping he goes to bed early and catches up on his beauty sleep.. not that he needs it, he is the most handsome man I know! But I know the lack of sleep starts to wear him down, and I hate to see him soo tired. Anyway, Jarad said he would stay the night at MY house on Wednesday, which is exciting... since it happens so rarely - plus that means I get to wake up to him on Valentines Day.. which is one of the best presents I could ask for, waking up with the person you love.. no matter how tired and/or grouchy they may be.. always makes my day better. Seeing Jarad in the morning inspires me to make my day count, to improve myself and thus improve my future with him. I don't know.. maybe that's just me, but I'd get up at 5 am everyday if it meant I could wake up and kiss him.

Ok, so maybe I talk a lot about my feelings for Jarad, but it's only because I can't Actually say these things to him.. just yet anyway.. he is still adjusting, still observing, still learning to trust me, and I don't want to put the pressure of how I feel into the mixes of how he feels. Plus, I'd like to think he knows that I feel the way I do... if nothing else, my actions should show that I'd do anything for him.

Anyway, I'm hoping my food will be here soon, so I'm going to wrap this up... I'm hoping for a comment.. someday maybe just one... but a comment from an invisible reader would be pretty crazy.. :)

Mwah!

Unsure

Well, I'm unsure of what to write about today.. I've got a few things going thru my head, but nothing super important, I'm just sort of riding things out... see how and where they go, I'm not worked up, excited, or upset... I'm just.. content to see what happens.

Overall, a pretty good weekend. I got a lot of sleep, went to bed fairly early and slept well, I took my parents to the airport on Saturday, they are in Mexico for the next two weeks, which is ok because they left me their car and the keys to their house, of course they didn't leave me much gas or any food but eh oh well, it's still kind of cool to have free reign of their place. So that's that... I got to spend some time with Jarad this weekend, which always makes me happy.

Sometimes I wish he could be happy to just Be with me, instead of always having to be doing something and I just happen to be around... but that's what I get for saying I wanted a guy who loves projects as much as I do... it's a flaw I can learn to live with and definately love. Besides, whenever I start to get frustrated or annoyed that I'm receiving very little of his attention, he smiles at me... and that smile makes me melt.. I can't help but grin when he looks at me, his smile, his eyes, even his attempts to be serious... drive me wild and he doesn't even know how rediculously sexy he is.

I told him at one point this weekend, that I would do anything for him, we were having a 'joking around' conversation so I'm not sure if he totally understood what I was saying or not.. but I honestly would and find myself amazed everytime I do something that is out of character for me... because it makes his life easier. In my past relationship I'm realizing I was the one who took all the time and gave very little, I regret this.. maybe if I would have been more giving I wouldn't have expected so much from him. I wonder if any of these traits and patterns that I'm realizing are going to happen with Jarad and I, I don't think that Jarad will take me for granted, but I wonder if he will be as unappreciative as I was sometimes in the past... what goes around comes around I suppose.

I'm to the point now where I have truely accepted that I am in love with Jarad, and I've also crossed the first obstacle of trying to accept that I'm in this more than he is right now, I'm in it for the long run and I don't know that he is to that point yet... I don't know that he ever will be... It's a risk I'm willing to take right now, It's like waiting for a birthday present from an aunt who lives out of state, In the back of your head you could use the $20 bucks she has sent for past birthdays, but you don't really expect it and in the end it may or may not come, but if it does it was worth the wait and if it doesn't... you didn't lose anything by thinking about it. Jarad is that $20 bucks on a MUCH larger scale and I can only hope that if he doesn't come around, if he doesn't choose me, that at least I won't lose his friendship, and I will have learned a lot from him and our experience.

But that's depressing, I'd much rather think that someday he will open up to me again and get to the point where I am at. Although, Here's a crappy realization I had the other day - Jarad is different than the first time we dated, he used to flirt with me, he used to crave me and want to be near me, he isn't like that anymore and I believe that it is my fault. It is obvious that I hurt him all those years ago and I fear that because of me, he went into lock down. So now, the things that he does or doesnt do that hurt me the most are my own damn fault, because I hurt him and there isn't a damn thing that I can do to change that now. What a crappy crappy thing... For all of you invisible blog readers if you have any advice on this, please give it to me.

Sorry this is sooo long, it was a long weekend of not writing... I had to catch up :)

Ultimately, I should not complain... Life has been pretty good to me, I think it is simply testing my paitence now.

As the Tattoo on my Lower back says, "Live, Love, Laugh, & Learn"

Hibernation?

I'm beginning to really understand why a bear would eat a whole lot, get really fat, and then sleep for several months... that's pretty much what I feel like I do during the winter.. even though I'm awake, it's sort of a groggy and depressive state. I NEED SUNSHINE and WARM WEATHER!!!! Ok, I'm done- It's Friday, I'm supposed to be happy right? I guess, it doesn't seem like there is much to look forward to this weekend, I don't have any exciting plans, Jarad is working everyday... which means he is going to be crabby and tired- Maybe I'll just sleep the weekend away, but then I'll feel like crap for being sooo unproductive. I have some overtime work I could get done, should get done, and hopefully will.. but that is defiantely not something to look forward to. Sorry, I'll try and stop being such a Debbie Downer!

On a happier note, yesterday was a pretty fantastic day. I apologize for not writing, but it was a busy day at work and I got a lot accomplished, plus I found out that not only am I getting a raise/bonus at the end of the month, my bosses are trying to get me into a bigger cubicle!! Woo Hoo!!! Don't get me wrong, I love my little desk in the corner... but I'm really starting to need More Space! I don't know what my raise is yet, and it probably won't be a ton... but it will be the second raise I've gotten since I started 15 months ago. Which I think is pretty good :)

I cooked for Jarad at his house last night, which was sort of a challenge, as he only has a microwave, no stove to boil water, no oven to heat up frozen pizzas.. haha.. but I think I did a pretty damn good job, I brought my water boiler thingy and my skillet, we had grilled cheese and spaghetti with meat. It wasn't fancy, but I thought it would be nice for Jarad to have something that wasn't fast food. I think he was happy about it... but it seemed like we were both pretty exhausted, he wasn't very lovey throughout the night and I was too tired to be the one putting forth most of the effort.. but I was just happy to be near him, probably the reason I was able to sleep so easily and so well...

So I've pretty much given up on the old V-Day, I know we probably won't do much the night of valentines day because Jarad has to pick his mom up from the airport in the evening, so maybe we will be able to do something the weekend after.. but who knows, I'm not getting my hopes up. It's just a silly holiday, I don't know why I thought maybe it would be a day that Jarad would want to be more romantic or loving on that day over any other day. It's not a big deal, it always seems like my valentine days are good every other year, and last year was really nice... so I shouldn't be surprised.

Damnit, there I go again with the weird negative vibe.. I don't know what my deal is... I'm blaming it on the weather and this time of year. I definately think I'm going to plan a vacation for myself in March, I don't know if I'll go anywhere, but I'm going to take off of work and crank up the heat in my house and wear very little clothing and dance around.. haha

Ok, I've rambled long enough, It's Friday! and for those of you who are lucky enough to have big exciting plans for the weekend, Celebrate!

Why Wouldn't You Date Her?

I'm questioning today the meaning of putting a title on a relationship. Girlfriend, boyfriend, friend, lover, mistress, wife, fiance, husband, pimp... it all applys to your interaction with someone, I guess when you clarify that interaction it puts you a certain level... what if the level has been established but the title hasn't? Well, for me... it makes me question the dedication that my partner has to our "level"

It could mean that he wants an "out", an escape route where he can say to someone else, "no, I don't have a girlfriend" and that wouldn't be a lie, but depending on why he is saying that the outcome of my feelings would be the same- girlfriend title applied or not, I would be devestated. I don't really think that is the case in my current situation though, because though it is difficult for me to trust, I'm using everything that I have to believe that he does not want to hurt me like that.

So maybe then, he is waiting for the right time, the right moment, he's waiting for his life to slow and taper off at a plateau, or maybe he is scared... committing to me, in his mind, is a risk, I hurt him once and I feel like he thinks I will do it again. But that goes back to the idea that whether or not I am titled his girlfriend if I were to fuck him over it would hurt him just as much as my non-boyfriend than as my official boyfriend.

I don't know, I do realize I am rambling... I just get nervous from time to time, why wouldn't he want to claim me as his? My insecurities pound at the back of my forehead... all of the reasons why he wouldn't, couldn't, shouldn't love me... Ultimately, I'm impatient, insecure, and a little over protective of what I want... which is him, all to myself, with no worries, no doubts, and the affection and attention to show me he wants it, he wants us, he wants me...

I would say I'm done whining, but I'm not... not quite. For the first time, I'm worried that Jarad lied to me, or at least.. misguided me about something I asked him point blank to explain, and though I could have easily found out if his story was true or not... it involved bringing his friend into the mix and I didn't want to do that, not to Jarad and not to his friend. The way Jarad fought for a change of subject made it pretty clear that something wasn't right though. The question I find myself asking now is... do I bring it up? Do I ask for explinations? Or do I bury it, with the idea that it was all a misunderstanding, let it go, and expect that it won't happen again?

For now... I'm leaving the ball in his court, I'm going to trust that if he was questioning things before... that he has made up his mind. Also, I'm going to try and be confident in myself, so that he will see the beautiful and confident woman that I am, and hopefully this will be the woman he wants to love and put his trust into.

My love for Jarad is not an image, it is not an obsession, it is not lust, it is not adoration, I'm not sure how long it will take to convince him of this, or how long I will have to say it before he believes me. But I love him, I love everything about him, even the things I hate about him I love... because they make him who he is. I am In love, and I may have to wait for him and it may make me go crazy.. but it's worth every glance, every touch, every breath, every poke, every giggle, every kiss, it is worth every single second.. :)

Happy Hump Day everyone!

Happy Fat Tuesday!

I don't know a damn thing about Marti Gras, but rumor has it, today is the last day and it's supposed to be a crazy party day! Any holiday that encourages drunkeness and boob flashing, is Ok by me :) I don't know what I'm going to do tonight, I mean it is tuesday which typically means bowling night, but I don't know, I would really like to go to the Prestige and see Jakes Band play (Jarad works with Jake, and we have become regular old band groupies for Midtown Method) It's always a fun time, and it would be something different... but I have to convince people to go with me and I'm not sure I have done that yet.

On a seperate note, I had a pretty fantastic day yesterday! A "Me" Day, if you will... First of all, since my boss was in Paris all last week, and I did such a fantastic job taking care of his affairs, he gave me a 100 dollar bill :) - So, I went and signed up for my YMCA membership that I've been wanting, and then I signed up for more tanning minutes, I just feel like when it's this cold and dreary I need a little fake sun to warm me up! So then I went tanning, then I worked on my laundry which was very very out of control, then I went to Pilates class at the Y- which I really enjoyed (but I'm feeling the wrath of it today, ugh)

Anyway, so then I was a little bummed because Jarad got out of class early and since I was still at the YMCA, he headed for home before I got a hold of him. Oh well, it gave him a little opportunity to miss me... which can sometimes be a good thing. I always miss him, any minute I'm not around him I miss him... but I'm overbearing like that, so it means a little more when he realizes he misses me :) Anyway, so after pilates I had an overdue conversation with Rebecca, as I had been avoiding her for the last week for various reasons, but we caught up on all our guy issues and work issues and everything else, so that was nice.. I feel better now- but then I just worked on my laundry and caught up on my tivo and went to bed, it was very relaxing.

What was not relaxing, was getting up every 2-3 hours during the night to let my dog out.. I'm not sure what her deal was, or what she ate, but apparently wasn't feel very well and I was ready to strangle her by this morning! Luckily, I was already awake the last time she had to go out at 6am, because I was calling Jarad to make sure he would wake up on time for work, which he did- without my help... I'm proud of him, but it's nice to be needed sometimes too :)

I have spent a good portion of my morning at work, researching valentines day presents for boys.. I'm looking for that perfect something and though I've come up with a lot of random ideas, I just haven't found one that's exactly right. It's been very slow at work sooo yes, I find things to busy myself with.

Beyond that, there isn't a lot to report today... I hope I see Jarad tonight, but like I've said before.. I never count on it Mon-Wed just because it's such a long day for him, I never know what his mood will be like and that's understandable. I think I'm going to go to the Y again tonight, but probably just to do some cardio on the treadmills and what not- I do pilates class again tomorrow, since it is every Mon & Wed, my body needs a break today anyway.. haha I'm also going to go tanning because I've been cold most of the day and it's freaking snowing and blowing out there.. I need something warm, besides the soup I had for lunch! ;)

Ok, Vaya Con Dios- Ciao

Will We Always Become Our Parents?

Scary thought- trust me, I know... Jarad and I were discussing if we would be like his parents, if or when (he says if, I say when) we get to that point in our lives together. I say no, we will not be like his parents and we will not be like mine. Though he is his father's son, and I am my mother's daughter... we also have other characteristics. He has the influence of his mother and I have the influence of my Dad. We are not them, we are ourselves. I'd like to think that the biggest difference, the best thing that Jarad and I could do for our relationship, is to be and stay, best friends.

I believe that is a choice you make with your spouse- you choose to be best friends and find hobbies or things that excite you together, that you can spend time doing together, or you choose to go your own ways, having separate friends and separate hobbies. Now, I have seen first hand relationships of both kinds and I respect both, I think they work differently for different people. However, I know myself well enough to know that I want to be best friends with the man I spend my life with, I want to share our hobbies, our circles of friends, and I want to share our time that we have.

I'd like to think that this can actually be a pretty easy thing to accomplish, especially with me because I'm very laid back and I love to try new things, thus there is no specific hobby that I require someone to join with me. There are things that I do, such as writing poetry, or reading books that I will always do and I hope that the person I end up with takes a little bit of interest in that, but those are things I do randomly and can do anywhere. Meaning, I can be outside camping on the river, or inside learning about nitro cars and I'll be happy, because I too want to take an interest in the things that excite the person I love.

So there it is, I want to be best friends with the man I spend my life with, and at one point in time... I was- Is it coming back, will he trust me to be his friend again? Well, I'm keeping my fingers crossed, and counting down days until warm weather!!! An overall more pleasant time of the year for us both. <3

Interesting Results

Well this is a good thing....

Leo-Sagittarius Compatibility
This relation will work well, as both are optimistic, positive and take a broad viewpoint. Because both are frank, generous, and open hearted, they can be beneficial to one another. Leo will feel neglected or frets, if Sagittarius is too eager for freedom and independence.(Take note Sagittarius) When it comes to wanderlust, these two are infected with it from the tops of their heads to the tips of their toes.Their sights will always be set on the wide blue yonder and they'll bring out the gypsy in each other's souls.
These fiery folk bring out the best in each other to a delightful degree. They spur each other on in a wonderful way. That Leo drama and excitement will appeal to the Archer, whose dashing and daredevil approach to life will enthrall the Leo. Both of them love doing things in style and will want to visit all the best places that the world can offer.



Here are some interesting things about me from a color quiz thing I took- I'd say they are pretty accurate.

Your Existing Situation
Imaginative and sensitive; seeking an outlet for these qualities--especially in the company of someone equally sensitive. Interest and enthusiasm are readily aroused by the unusual or the adventurous.
Your Stress Sources
Resists any form of pressure from others and insists on her independence as an individual. Wants to make up her own mind without interference, to draw her own conclusions and arrive at her own decisions. Detests uniformity and mediocrity. As she wants to be regarded as one who gives authoritative opinions, she find it difficult to admit to being wrong, while at times she is reluctant to accept or understand another's point of view.
Your Restrained Characteristics
Circumstances are such that she feels forced to compromise for the time being if she is to avoid being cut off from affection or from full participation.
Believes that she is not receiving her share--that she is neither properly understood or adequately appreciated. Feels that she is being compelled to conform, and close relationships leave her without any sense of emotional involvement.
Your Desired Objective
Intense, vital, and animated, taking a delight in action. Activity is directed towards success or conquest and there is a desire to live life to the fullest.
Your Actual Problem
Takes a delight in action and wants to be respected and esteemed for her personal accomplishments.
Your Actual Problem #2
Fights against restriction or limitation, and insists on developing freely as a result of her own efforts.

Him

Should of been a cowboy-Toby Keith, Green, RC Helicopters, Nitro Trucks, Tyler, Ryan, Tim, & Sam, Valmont (tho he may deny it), Toyota-both trucks and cars, A long line of music including-Incubus, DMB, Ryan Adams, John Mayer, Underoath, Van Halen, and handfuls of country, rap, and oldies. Quads, the country, old abandoned houses, off-roading, history, discoveries, buttons and switches, his new jeep, BMW, motorcycles, Sponge Bob, Blazing Saddles, clean towels, rocker chics, blond chics, redheads, brunettes, and school girls.

People who are intellegent, people who have a true faith in God, people who go out of their way to help. Being productive, and days of doing nothing, Road trips, beer, getting a good deal. Blue Man Group, talented people, his family, including his dogs, stereos, tv, and all electronics and his knowledge of them. A new drill, a cold beer, Burger King, Subway, Taco Bell, and the L2 and Long John Silvers. USA Golds, cold coffee, Kenwood, Pioneer, Phillips, and his old MB Acoustic speakers, Burnouts, girl on top, shots of jack daniels, perfect breasts, cereal, 2% Milk, being in shape, giving advice, being right.

A few of his favorite things.

*Note, I did not list myself.

One has to ask themselves, could he make a list like this for me?

That's all I can say today about the man who is too exhausted and/or busy to Love me.



So, I'm forced to focus on myself- why do I let these things get to me? Found an interesting thing about my zodiac sign that applies to some of what I'm dealing with... I'm going to do my best to follow the solutions, I can only hope that he will do his best to understand the problems....

Problem: Getting all upset and angry with others when things do not go the way you fully expected them too. This kind of reaction to a problem is what causes a lot of marital discord and unhappiness.
Solution: You should never base all of your expectations on what you should get, but rather base them on what you can give to, or do, for those who are in your sphere of influence. You will find you have a more peaceful and happy home if you do this.


Problem: You are sometimes your own worst enemy, especially so when you are striving for attention in such obvious ways that you turn off the very people you sought to impress.
Solution: The first place to start is to stop trying to gain attention; give people the chance to notice the real you. Decide what it is that impresses you and you will then know what to do to impress others.