Long Pine 2009 Take Two, Also Road Trip Nebraska

I know, it's only been a month and I'm already blogging again! I couldn't help it, I had to post these pictures from this last weekend, what a spontaneous adventure we had! I'll just try to tell the story with the pictures, but long story short we had to head up to Long Pine again, and this time we made the drive up and back a discovery trip... Small Towns in Nebraska are amazing and we discovered so many interesting and historical things, I didn't get as many pictures as I should have, but the ones I have are guaranteed to make you laugh!


Above are the boys, Andrew, Jarad, Wes- they are being manly in front of the tank in Neligh, NE and below is Andrew, well being very Manly... on the tank.. HAHA


Wes and Andrew are locked in the Long Pine Jail, I told them not to make the Locals mad but they didn't listen!

This is the Fred's Repair sign, The guy on the sign is actually a picture of Fred, the local repair man, but even more classic is his "We work on stuff that don't"

And I had to put this picture on here, because Wes is attempting to look like Fred, and doing a pretty hilarious job of it...
Here is the Elkhorn river up in Ewing, Nebraska - Jarad and Wes wanted to see it because they read a book about a guy who grew up in Ewing and he talks about the river a lot, this was Wes's book that Jarad was reading during the trip, so it was very interesting because the book was full of facts about all the small towns we were visiting.


The river looks quite a bit different when you get up north, it looks more like a creek than the river we know and love out at the cabin

So below is a picture of "Zoo Nebraska" - It is no longer open, it closed back in 2005 after 4 chimpanzee's escaped from the zoo and they didn't have a tranquilizer gun so they had to be shot, the story is pretty bad and the zoo itself was eery, it was obviously run down, and I can only assume some sort of farmer owns it, there were several donky's, small horses, llamas, a goose, and my favorite?- A Camel, yep, hump and all, just hanging out in the trees, I couldn't get a good picture because my camera doesn't zoom, but it was there.

This picture gives you a good idea of what the fencing was like, and you can tell that everything is overgrown, I think that is a llama in the front..

To the right in this picture, was where the monkeys were kept, you can see all the swinging ropes, there were also round gated cages that basically looked like grain bins, and they did not look very sturdy or secure, and then there was a sign that said "Bobcat" right next to it, Creepy!!Well, here are a few things I didn't get a picture of but were very cool, The Mill in Neligh, NE - The first Rest Stop in Nebraska - Kenievil's Corner - PineView Drive In theater in Long Pine and Starlight Drive In Theater in Neligh, of course there is "The Pines" and cabin #4, The Sandhills Lounge, The Cowboy Trail Train Bridge and the route it takes across our state- I wish I could remember and write all the jokes that were told, hilarious comments that were made, and laughs that we had... Oh one just came to me, "Once you go Inman...." hahaha

It seems like there is always something going on, everyone is busy and life is flying by, it's already September! But, whenever you get a chance to make a pitstop at a little town and check out all it has to offer, I recommend doing so, you'll be amazed and what you learn and what you walk away with...

Thanks guys for a very fun weekend!

Approaching 100,000 Miles...

My Car that is, the Neon my parents bought me as an early high school graduation present is going to roll the big 100K - The Neon and I have been thru A LOT - we've lived in different cities, we've driven to different jobs, and different boys houses.. ha - It no longer has air conditioning, the "check engine light" is permanently on, when it rains I get puddles on the passenger side floor from a mysterious leak that we cannot find, and the hum of the engine buzz's loudly even with the radio turned up, because of course half the speakers are blown.. I got that car in May 2002 and it had 80 miles on it, 80! I remember thinking I had never seen a car with less than 10k, and I remember the road I was on when I rolled 10,000 miles - I remember how jealous all my friends were because I got a brand new car, and I remember the reason I got a brand new car is because the week that my parents finally agreed I needed a safe ride to get me to Fremont where I was working and taking college classes, was the same week my Mom saw a special on 20/20 that said people are hiding drugs in used cars and then the owner of the used car gets charged for the drugs even tho they had no idea they were there... so my dear Mother decided I could not afford a drug charge and she wanted to buy new.. a Neon? Well, my sister drove a neon when she was in high school and she rolled it (no surprise, my sister rolled or totalled several cars in her day and it's a Givens curse to roll a car when you are 16) but anyway, she rolled the neon and didn't get hurt so my Mother concluded it must be a safe car.. My Dad? Well he knew they were cheap, and because he picked his battles with Mom, he chose not to pick this one. When we went to look at the dealership, there were three neons, it was really a goldielocks situation, there was the Neon I wanted it was white with a sun roof, spoiler, rims, 6 disc CD changer, automatic windows, locks, the works... and then.. there was the neon Dad wanted, it was ugly tan with hubcaps, it had crank windows, and a tape player... luckily as Dad and I glared at each other across the car dealers parking lot, each standing by our respective cars.. the saleswoman sensed a battle and steered us over to the middle of the line Neon- it had a spoiler and rims, it had automatic windows and locks but only in the front, the back was crank, it had a CD player and it was a shiny gray blue color... and lucky for me it was closer to the price range that Dad had set in his mind- Of course he was still going to haggle this poor saleswoman, he laughed as he did it too because he loved the game of negotiation. He stood up ready to walk out of her office at least twice until she came down on this price, and this fee, and anything else he could argue her on. I also could barely stay in my seat only because I was soo excited to have my very own brand new car! My perfect little blue Neon the keys sat on the desk that seperated Dad and I from the saleswoman, just sparkled in my eyes, it even had a remote to lock and unlock! Now, you have to understand what I drove for practically 4 years before the Neon came into my life- although I had some deep emotional connections with this previous vehicle and there are days I wish it was still around, it was definately the complete opposite of the Neon..

My Little Black 4 wheel drive ford ranger, with tires that were so big they would rub on the wheel well if I turned to sharp, it had a silver roll bar that I spray painted because I didn't like the rust teal that it had been previously. It had a great stereo in it and even subs- it's previous owner (my big brother) had "pimped" this truck to be a total dude mobile- however, it fit my tom boy personality and after I painted the roll bars and added some girly items that hung from the rearview mirror, I was satisfied that this truck, my first vehicle ever could take me to the end of the earth and it would get me there in style with good music. I got that truck because I was almost 14 and would be able to get my school permit and because my brother at the age of 25, needed money but rather than my parents just giving it to him they asked if they could buy the truck for more than it was probably worth. Jarad and I still joke that that truck was the reason he fell in love with me- I had to hop in and out of it as it was to tall for just a normal step, so imagine a 14 year old neighbor girl, with old cut off jean shorts and a tank top hopping out of a little but very tall truck coming over to hang out with the new neighbor boys... Oh and I must not forget to mention that it was a manual, a stick shift and even I knew that the fact that a chic was driving a manual was very impressive to Jarad...it might as well be a country song but when it was happening, I never thought anything of it, I never thought Jarad thought of me as anything more than a friend who tried her best to look out for him. The story of Jarad and I could take over anything I write but this time I'll try to get back on track.... So I had a beefy little truck that I had a lot of fun in, and was great for getting to school in the snow and/or getting stuck in the mud on the minimum maintenence road.. but it wasn't so safe for going 60 on Highway 30 every afternoon. Thus, we sold the truck and went Neon shopping...

So after test driving the Neon with my Dad and the Saleswoman, and then listening to my Dad finagal the price down, he had to go back to work and Mom came in to complete the paperwork, It felt like we were there the entire day but when I look back it may not have been that long, it just felt like it because I wanted that car, I wanted the pedal under my feet and I really wanted to show all my girlfriends! Although while we sat in the office it felt like the moment would never come.. it finally did - My Mom handed me the keys and said you better be careful and wear your seatbelt...

I climbed in and went straight to Audio Video, I had to show my brother and I had to get a stereo system put in it! He oohhed over it as much as any big brother would, especially since it was a Neon, he didn't have much enthusiasm but did get excited about selling me a stereo- I left the papermats in the car for at least the first couple of weeks, and I wouldn't let any of my friends eat or drink in the car... I became the typical "new car snob" but eventually that wore off, over the years my brother put subs, a new cd player, and a remote start in my car- he offered to do blue underglow lights but something about the lights and a neon didn't seem right to me, so I opted for the remote start instead, he also tinted my windows for me- I left my car at his shop for two days after I got my wisdom teeth pulled and Mom drove me home, when I came back to pick it up the windows were tinted.. it was one of the sweetest things my big brother ever did for me, and of course he brushed it off like it was nothing, but I'll never forget it. Although the car had its fair share of "upgrades" it also had it's fair share of problems- I hit a deer in it, which managed to break one of my fog lights and the front grill.. the deer of course ran off with what I imagine is only a scratch because there was a tuft of deer hair stuck in grill... Also there have been random engine problems, mostly because I let my cousin drive it and he hit what he thinks was a giant piece of tire, while he was going 65 on the interstate, this apparently busted the engine mount and god knows what else, I've had numerous flat tires on the Neon and every time I've been fortunate enough to have kind people, including cops, random strangers, and my best friends come to my rescue to help me change it. While I was in college it got Keyed, and then the house I lived in in Omaha had narrow garage doors and I was not able to back out of it without either scratching the car on something in the garage or catching the side mirror which is now busted to pieces but still sort of usable on one half of it.

The neon has transported a lot of things, people, and animals- Chloe has made the back seat her own.. I don't know if it's possible to actually ever remove all of the dog hair from back there... I've moved almost entire apartments in the Neon, packing it from floor to ceiling including the passenger seat with everything I own, at one point in my life even a Great Dane shared the backseat with Chloe, how they both fit I never quite knew but somehow they made it. When people say they are "living out of their car" I grasp that term quite well, when I was making the drive to Fremont every afternoon, I would have everything I needed for the entire day and evening, clothes, food, drinks, I never knew what I was going to do after work or after class or who I would see, or if we would go to the lakes, or to a movie, I didn't know if I might end up staying the night somewhere and need extra clothes the next day.. yes indeed- I lived out of that car for quite a while.. It may seem weird that I'm so nostalgic about what is now basically a crappy car but it's gotten me thru quite a bit, I'll be sad for a moment when I finally get rid of it.......

I say for a moment because at least hopefully my future car will have Air Conditioning!

I'd like to dedicate this blog to everyone who currently has or ever had a crappy car that got them thru the glory days, hate to see them go but love to watch them leave...

LLLoooooooooooVVVVVVeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I love that I only have 10 and a half more hours of work until I'm on a four day vacation! (not consecutively of course) but just tomrrow and the rest of today- I cannot wait! I also Love that it's been in the upper 80's all week, Jarad and I have been doing so much outside in the evenings and I love it! I love that I was on a sandbar last night, with my boyfriend, as the sun was setting, I told him we were standing in a postcard for Nebraska. I love that he picked up a "sea shell" and gave it to me, told me to pretend we were on vacation by the ocean and put his arm around me. I Love that he held my hand as we strolled across the sand, stopping and blocking each other when the wind would gust it around. I love that he is making plans for our future 4-wheeling adventures together, I love that we hiked thru an old german cemetery. I love that we watched deer run thru the forest and we watched a raccoon scavenge thru a field. I love that we read the newspaper online during the day and then we talk about the articles after work. I love that he helped me find an old door for my door project and that he's going to help me find another. I love that he actually communicated with me that he was happy with us, that we were good, really good, I love that he said it and that I agreed and that he didn't just assume I knew. I love that he conquered his jeep all in one afternoon, and I love that he then tries to explain to me how the car is put together, what each part does, and what it's called, and I love that sometimes I even understand. I love that he lets me do the grilling and always enjoys what I make. I love that he knows all my extremely tickalish spots and never hesitates to use them against me.

(Insert Deep Breath Here)

I love that on Friday I'll have my credit card paid off in full. I love that June is the last time I pay rent at an apartment I've grown to hate. I love that I've finally figured out how to combine my furniture with Jarads. I love that he trusts me to decorate, but he still lets me know that he doesn't do well with curtains or flowers, he also told me he didn't do well with candles, but I slipped in a few with no complaints. I love that he knows I'm an obsessive compulsive "nester" and home decor is my hobby and I love that he doesn't mind, I love that taking apart his car for an entire evening is his hobby and I love the way he looks when he's covered in oil, elbow deep in an engine. I love that he knows that the mower we use to mow our yard is the same one he was working on the day I drove up in a golf cart to introduce myself. I love that he remembers in detail what the weather was like when we shared our first kiss and that it is the reason he loves cloudy rainy days in the spring. I love that he has wonderful and crazy stories about his life and his experiences. I love that he loves my family and I love that I consider his family as my own. I love that we both feel the need for exploring and learning. I love that we both cherish the history of things, where they came from, what their story is, etc.

I love that I'm on top of the mountain right now, like I told Jarad last night- there will be valleys again, I'm sure of it, but I'm going to induldge in our extremely high peak right now :)

I love being in love with my best friend.

Peaks and Valleys

Well, my coworker and I were having a conversation about how our lives are always a series of peaks and valleys, and specifically relationships are definately that way, I would like to happily state that Jarad and I are out of our valley and on the way up a beautiful and fantastic peak. He was so good to me this weekend, and most of last week as well, but it felt like he made sure that he and I had our time even just a few minutes here and there to be us, and this is especially impressive considering he worked all weekend and was pretty exhausted. So, I feel I may have overexagerated our valley the other week/weekend, we did go thru a valley that is for sure, but it maybe was more of a medium size valley and less of the grand canyon.. lol.. Anyway, we are both improving on our faults and life seems really good today :) - Before I forget - HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!!!!! (Ok, a day late but still) I had a fantastic breakfast with my grandma, mom, and family.. I got to chase after my neice and nephew for a few hours and that always lifts my spirits.. at 1 and 3 years old they are defiantely a handful!! I love that my brother says my Neice takes after me, she is a total tom boy, loves playing in the dirt and getting dirty, not so much about dresses and dolls.. haha - my family also says she is like me because she's very intense, always observing everything, loovvvess books and pictures, and also (like yours truely) she's an eater.. haha not picky about her food, will eat about anything at anytime.. lol.. I can't wait to watch her grow up! Here's a random picture of Miss Kinley Ann so you can imagine how she has me wrapped around her dirty little fingers!

This picture was from around Valentines Day, so you can imagine how much she has grown and is even more on the move in the last couple of months, she is already walking!

Anyway, enough proud Aunt talk..lol.. I'm trying to focus on things that make me happy because currently work is NOT one of those things, I can't figure out exactly what is going on with my boss but he is stressed and isn't being a good boss, he is snippy and has an attitude with me, and it's annoying because he was the boss that I could always talk with and now it is NOT that way, I'm hoping that whatever is going on with him passes and things go back to normal, he has been acting this way for a while now so I don't know... I'm frustrated and I don't do well with attitude especially from men who area already a little too full of themselves for their own good... but I didn't mind that when he appreciated me, now that he doesn't show me that appreciation, I'm starting to agree with most peoples interpretation that he is just a cocky jerk. Oh well, I keep using the common line in this generation "at least I have a job..."

I'm excited because I decided to take May 22nd off of work, which means I'll have a four day weekend with Memorial day on Monday the 25th! Four entire days off of work are going to be fantastic!!!!!! It can't come fast enough..lol.. I worry about my BF tho because it doesn't sound like he'll have any days off anytime soon, he's pretty sure he won't work on Monday of Memorial Day, but that still means two more weekends in a row, which basically means he'll have worked 21 days without a day off... ugh... I can't imagine! I have so much respect for his dedication to what he does, and I hope that my support is helpful and I hope he recognizes my support! I'm pretty sure he does, there hasn't been a stressful situation that has come upon us yet that I haven't charged into and worked my hardest to help him thru, so yeah, I think he knows I'm here to help... lol..

So tomorrow, my boss is having a seminar that will last until about 6:30pm, which means I'll be working almost a 10 hour day, that kind of sucks, but at the same time.. it means I get to shorten the rest of the days in my week AND I get to have free dinner and a pretty good restaurant. So, I'm not complaining, except knowing my luck, Tuesday will be the warmest nicest day weatherwise, and I'll be stuck inside..lol.. again, oh well at least I get to leave at 3pm for most every other day this week :) Which means less than 2 and a half hours till my day is over!

I think I'm going to wrap this up and do some online window shopping for a bit.. haha - I just wanted to shout from the top of my peak that we made it thru the valley and life is fantastic!

Being BlogPositive

Well, I feel kinda bad about being Debbie Downer lately... I especially because it's not just on the blog.. I mean journaling on here is a way for me to release some negative feelings so it's more so on the blog, but also in general I haven't been in the best of moods.. and I feel bad because I especially think it put a damper on last nigiht... Jarad was being very nice to me, but I guess I was "transitioning" because I didn't accept or respond to it very well... I guess I had just put it in my head that I was going to have to be Ok with just being a friend for a while, so it was hard for me to flip that switch right away into being all lovey dovey... and I felt like it wasn't fair that we had to play by his schedule, when he wants to be sweet and nice to me, then that's how we are, and when he doesn't then that's how we are.. but what about what I want? What about when I want to be romantic and he wants to work on his truck? It just didn't feel like there was an equal level of control and all of that combined made me weird last night.. so I can only hope he gives it another shot tonight... but I guess I can't blame him if he doesn't... Although, it is pizza and a pitcher night, which usually seems to be enjoyable for us, so maybe it will all work itself out..

I'm anxious that it is May, it means so much exciting stuff will be coming up, for one I'm going to plant my plants in my garden soon, and I'm very excited for that to take place!!!! I'm also going to help G-ma plant flowers and she is going to give me a few to plant in pots for the outside of our house, and the rose bushes are starting to bloom, so I love that things are starting to grow..

The other very obvious thing to look forward to is Warm weather, open windows, top off the jeep, and all the great things that come along with sunshine! lol

The final thing that makes me very excited for May, well actually June, but getting to May is one step closer to getting to June..lol.. Anyway, I'll finally be combining my living situations. My apartment lease is up at the end of June, my roomate is getting a place with her boyfriend, and since I consider Fremont my home and Jarad and I spend so much time together at his house anyway, and it will save on money, all arrows have pointed to me actually moving in. Of course I'm nervous about it, more for his sake than mine, just because I've lived in a lot of houses with a lot of different types of roomates and I've had some serious relationships, but this is all kind of a first for JayRad and I only hope he can communicate with me about everything that's the only way sharing a living space will work. Over the last couple of months it has more or less like we have been living together, but nothing was ever official we just kind of went in the direction that worked best for both of us, I still have a lot of stuff at my aparment and it will be interesting to see how we fit it all in the little house.. lol... but I'm very excited, Jarad is, although we have our struggles, the only person I see myself duking it out with for a very long time... He has come a long way over the years of our friendship, and I have no doubts that he will continue to grow into an even more amazing man, it's just not happening quite as quickly as I had hoped.. haha jk- it's the typical frustration of Girls maturing faster than Boys... it happens in jr high, it happens in high school, and it is still happening after college, I just have to remind myself to take everything in stride, to appreciate the good moments and not stress over the days that we are in a valley instead of on top of a peak...

I know it seems contradicting, all my recent blogs where I'm confused about Jarad, but like I've said before, despite anything and everything, he is my best friend and we care for each other, and everyday we get thru another obstacle, and everyday there is another one to tackle, I can't predict the future, but I do love him and have always looked out for him and will always work for what is best for him, and because I know those things from the bottom of my heart, I have no reserves in sharing a home with him.

I have to remember that Jarad isn't the superhero I have built him up to be, so often I expect the world from him, I expect him to be the incredibly hard and dedicated worker that he is, I expect him to be a loving caring member of his family, I expect him to be able to fix every electrical, mechanical, and every other ical problem that there ever is, and I expect him to love me whole heartedly and be the romantic prince who sweeps me off my feet.... ugh, that's a lot to expect from someone, the funny part is, I actually believe he can do it, just not maybe all in one day :)

I know his heart is in the right place, even if his actions currently are not.. and what is in his heart is what I'm connected to, and the reason I love him everyday and the reason I'll do anything for him, maybe I have doubts and maybe I'll continue to... but I know that if we move forward together with out hearts in the right place... it will work out the way it's supposed to in the end.

Would have been a great day to stay in bed...

I was thinking to myself the other day about the "chicken or the egg" theory.. you know, which came first? Except I was comparing it to my feelings or the weather, both crappy but which came first? I seem more sane if I assume that the dreary weather made my mood dreary.. but I'm not so entirely sure... If I had much to say about "purgatory" - I would think that it might be where I'm at, not heaven, not hell... limbo.. just waiting, just holding on to the idea that he is my best friend and has always been, so even when it seems like we have nothing else, we have that... and maybe it I hold on to that long enough, we will come out of this slump we are in... The drunk neighbor guy thought we were brother and sister, and even though he was drunk, I still felt like he was spot on about the way Jarad's been acting around me... another buddy, pal, friend that is a girl, etc... I can't live out my life that way, I'm far to much of a dreamer, to much of a romantic, too much of a girl.. but for now, as previously mentioned, I can be his best friend and assume the best, assume he will see me as a beautiful woman... someday...

I've never thought Jarad takes anything for granted, but I do think he lets some things go unnoticed that maybe should be recognized... and I don't even think he does it on purpose, in his head he recognizes he just doesn't ever express the gratitude, or at least, he doesn't express it well... I'm ok with that most of the time, I don't expect him to grovel at my feet everytime I make sure he has clean clothes for work, but I've always held on to the notion that Jarad shows his appreciation in BIG ways, I like to show it in little ways every day, and I always thought Jarad liked to show it once or twice in a big way, I guess the problem, and it's my problem not his, but my problem is I started waiting for that big thing, that one thing that really would blow me away, when I wasn't expecting it and when Jarad really did want to do something for me, just for me, just because I matter... I just realized (and this is the reason I journal this stuff out, to help me come to realizations) but I realized that Jarad did do something big for me, my garden, he worked really hard on that, and I shouldn't take that for granted... It means a lot to me, and I know he did that just for me, I guess the reason it didn't strike me at first is because I felt like he was making it so that I would have something to do and he could do his own thing... it didn't seem like something we were going to do together, but nothing seems like something we are going to do together, unless it's me helping him clean something.....

In saying that, I realize we sound like a married couple, and you know I wouldn't mind sounding that way, except Jarad made it pretty clear he didn't want to be an old married couple, he didn't want to be married at all, he wanted to do his own thing on his own time and he didn't want to have to mention it to me... so apparently he wants all the perks of being married, the dedication to supporting him and helping him whenever he needs, but the freedom of being single to run off and forget about me and my feelings at the drop of a hat.. humph.. that's not going to work out for me so well..

On a happier note, my best friend Jessica is graduating from Pharmacy school this weekend, and Friday night is her graduation party in Omaha, should be a lot of fun, I'm so proud of her she was the valedictorian of my class, so I never doubted she would do something great, but she really has worked hard and spent a lot of years in school.. so she deserves all the awesome things that are about to come her way... I figure Jarad won't want to go out in Omaha and will have to work in the morning anyway, but at least he'll be happy that he gets to spend some more time apart from me... ugh, I wish I didn't sound so bitter... it's just that he's made that argument that we need to spend time apart over and over and over.. it finally just kind of rubbed me the wrong way.. I'm happy to spend the evening with my best friend/roomate at my apartment, I really enjoy even.. so idk why I feel like it needs to be about Jarad and his space... I guess because he is the one who made such a big deal about it..

I hate that I've been so negative, I love Jarad, I think that is obvious, we are just rattled right now, and I miss him, but I'm trying to make him happy, and what he said would make him happy is not spending so much time with me, that's kind of a kick in the ass no matter how you put it... I know it's healthy, I know he's trying to make our relationship work, but I was hoping when we spent time apart it would make our time together stronger, like he said, and it hasn't in fact it's making us more distant.... and That is what I'm scared of.

I'm just burnt out, burnt out on life, I'm burnt out at work, I'm burnt out in trying to understand Jarad, I'm burnt out on living in two places and not having all my stuff in one place, not having one home... I'm tired and burnt out and I just try to stay busy and go thru the motions so that I don't break down....

I should have stayed in bed today... and the worst part about having this feeling today, is it's only Wednesday, and it's not even 10am... it's going to be a long week.... I'm praying tonight isn't a total bust, Jarad said yesterday that he just wants to stay home and lounge together tonight, since we have been so busy with camperville the last couple of days, it's supposed to be rainy and stormy and I'm excited to just relax with my boyfriend, but what I'm afraid will actually happen will be kind of a repeat of Sunday night, Jarad fell asleep on the couch, and I sat in the chair and watched 4 hours of futurama which isn't a very good show but was just on and was mindless, so I watched it while he snored... I just thought to myself, I'd rather listen to him snore then listen to him yell.. I'd rather be watching a stupid adult cartoon than fighting with someone I love... so I kept my mouth shut and that's kind of been the trend since then, keep my mouth shut and we may not be lovers but at least we aren't enemies..... I'm not sure how long that will last, but at least it's allowing some time for thought.

OK, seriously, the depressing rambling is over and done, I'm going to find something to busy myself for a while, hopefully make this terribly long day seem a little bit shorter.