Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
Long Pine 2009 Take Two, Also Road Trip Nebraska
I know, it's only been a month and I'm already blogging again! I couldn't help it, I had to post these pictures from this last weekend, what a spontaneous adventure we had! I'll just try to tell the story with the pictures, but long story short we had to head up to Long Pine again, and this time we made the drive up and back a discovery trip... Small Towns in Nebraska are amazing and we discovered so many interesting and historical things, I didn't get as many pictures as I should have, but the ones I have are guaranteed to make you laugh!
Above are the boys, Andrew, Jarad, Wes- they are being manly in front of the tank in Neligh, NE and below is Andrew, well being very Manly... on the tank.. HAHA
Wes and Andrew are locked in the Long Pine Jail, I told them not to make the Locals mad but they didn't listen!
This is the Fred's Repair sign, The guy on the sign is actually a picture of Fred, the local repair man, but even more classic is his "We work on stuff that don't"
And I had to put this picture on here, because Wes is attempting to look like Fred, and doing a pretty hilarious job of it...
Here is the Elkhorn river up in Ewing, Nebraska - Jarad and Wes wanted to see it because they read a book about a guy who grew up in Ewing and he talks about the river a lot, this was Wes's book that Jarad was reading during the trip, so it was very interesting because the book was full of facts about all the small towns we were visiting.
The river looks quite a bit different when you get up north, it looks more like a creek than the river we know and love out at the cabin
So below is a picture of "Zoo Nebraska" - It is no longer open, it closed back in 2005 after 4 chimpanzee's escaped from the zoo and they didn't have a tranquilizer gun so they had to be shot, the story is pretty bad and the zoo itself was eery, it was obviously run down, and I can only assume some sort of farmer owns it, there were several donky's, small horses, llamas, a goose, and my favorite?- A Camel, yep, hump and all, just hanging out in the trees, I couldn't get a good picture because my camera doesn't zoom, but it was there.
This picture gives you a good idea of what the fencing was like, and you can tell that everything is overgrown, I think that is a llama in the front..
Above are the boys, Andrew, Jarad, Wes- they are being manly in front of the tank in Neligh, NE and below is Andrew, well being very Manly... on the tank.. HAHA
Wes and Andrew are locked in the Long Pine Jail, I told them not to make the Locals mad but they didn't listen!
This is the Fred's Repair sign, The guy on the sign is actually a picture of Fred, the local repair man, but even more classic is his "We work on stuff that don't"
And I had to put this picture on here, because Wes is attempting to look like Fred, and doing a pretty hilarious job of it...
Here is the Elkhorn river up in Ewing, Nebraska - Jarad and Wes wanted to see it because they read a book about a guy who grew up in Ewing and he talks about the river a lot, this was Wes's book that Jarad was reading during the trip, so it was very interesting because the book was full of facts about all the small towns we were visiting.The river looks quite a bit different when you get up north, it looks more like a creek than the river we know and love out at the cabin
So below is a picture of "Zoo Nebraska" - It is no longer open, it closed back in 2005 after 4 chimpanzee's escaped from the zoo and they didn't have a tranquilizer gun so they had to be shot, the story is pretty bad and the zoo itself was eery, it was obviously run down, and I can only assume some sort of farmer owns it, there were several donky's, small horses, llamas, a goose, and my favorite?- A Camel, yep, hump and all, just hanging out in the trees, I couldn't get a good picture because my camera doesn't zoom, but it was there.
This picture gives you a good idea of what the fencing was like, and you can tell that everything is overgrown, I think that is a llama in the front..
To the right in this picture, was where the monkeys were kept, you can see all the swinging ropes, there were also round gated cages that basically looked like grain bins, and they did not look very sturdy or secure, and then there was a sign that said "Bobcat" right next to it, Creepy!!
Well, here are a few things I didn't get a picture of but were very cool, The Mill in Neligh, NE - The first Rest Stop in Nebraska - Kenievil's Corner - PineView Drive In theater in Long Pine and Starlight Drive In Theater in Neligh, of course there is "The Pines" and cabin #4, The Sandhills Lounge, The Cowboy Trail Train Bridge and the route it takes across our state- I wish I could remember and write all the jokes that were told, hilarious comments that were made, and laughs that we had... Oh one just came to me, "Once you go Inman...." hahaha
It seems like there is always something going on, everyone is busy and life is flying by, it's already September! But, whenever you get a chance to make a pitstop at a little town and check out all it has to offer, I recommend doing so, you'll be amazed and what you learn and what you walk away with...
Thanks guys for a very fun weekend!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Approaching 100,000 Miles...
My Car that is, the Neon my parents bought me as an early high school graduation present is going to roll the big 100K - The Neon and I have been thru A LOT - we've lived in different cities, we've driven to different jobs, and different boys houses.. ha - It no longer has air conditioning, the "check engine light" is permanently on, when it rains I get puddles on the passenger side floor from a mysterious leak that we cannot find, and the hum of the engine buzz's loudly even with the radio turned up, because of course half the speakers are blown.. I got that car in May 2002 and it had 80 miles on it, 80! I remember thinking I had never seen a car with less than 10k, and I remember the road I was on when I rolled 10,000 miles - I remember how jealous all my friends were because I got a brand new car, and I remember the reason I got a brand new car is because the week that my parents finally agreed I needed a safe ride to get me to Fremont where I was working and taking college classes, was the same week my Mom saw a special on 20/20 that said people are hiding drugs in used cars and then the owner of the used car gets charged for the drugs even tho they had no idea they were there... so my dear Mother decided I could not afford a drug charge and she wanted to buy new.. a Neon? Well, my sister drove a neon when she was in high school and she rolled it (no surprise, my sister rolled or totalled several cars in her day and it's a Givens curse to roll a car when you are 16) but anyway, she rolled the neon and didn't get hurt so my Mother concluded it must be a safe car.. My Dad? Well he knew they were cheap, and because he picked his battles with Mom, he chose not to pick this one. When we went to look at the dealership, there were three neons, it was really a goldielocks situation, there was the Neon I wanted it was white with a sun roof, spoiler, rims, 6 disc CD changer, automatic windows, locks, the works... and then.. there was the neon Dad wanted, it was ugly tan with hubcaps, it had crank windows, and a tape player... luckily as Dad and I glared at each other across the car dealers parking lot, each standing by our respective cars.. the saleswoman sensed a battle and steered us over to the middle of the line Neon- it had a spoiler and rims, it had automatic windows and locks but only in the front, the back was crank, it had a CD player and it was a shiny gray blue color... and lucky for me it was closer to the price range that Dad had set in his mind- Of course he was still going to haggle this poor saleswoman, he laughed as he did it too because he loved the game of negotiation. He stood up ready to walk out of her office at least twice until she came down on this price, and this fee, and anything else he could argue her on. I also could barely stay in my seat only because I was soo excited to have my very own brand new car! My perfect little blue Neon the keys sat on the desk that seperated Dad and I from the saleswoman, just sparkled in my eyes, it even had a remote to lock and unlock! Now, you have to understand what I drove for practically 4 years before the Neon came into my life- although I had some deep emotional connections with this previous vehicle and there are days I wish it was still around, it was definately the complete opposite of the Neon..
My Little Black 4 wheel drive ford ranger, with tires that were so big they would rub on the wheel well if I turned to sharp, it had a silver roll bar that I spray painted because I didn't like the rust teal that it had been previously. It had a great stereo in it and even subs- it's previous owner (my big brother) had "pimped" this truck to be a total dude mobile- however, it fit my tom boy personality and after I painted the roll bars and added some girly items that hung from the rearview mirror, I was satisfied that this truck, my first vehicle ever could take me to the end of the earth and it would get me there in style with good music. I got that truck because I was almost 14 and would be able to get my school permit and because my brother at the age of 25, needed money but rather than my parents just giving it to him they asked if they could buy the truck for more than it was probably worth. Jarad and I still joke that that truck was the reason he fell in love with me- I had to hop in and out of it as it was to tall for just a normal step, so imagine a 14 year old neighbor girl, with old cut off jean shorts and a tank top hopping out of a little but very tall truck coming over to hang out with the new neighbor boys... Oh and I must not forget to mention that it was a manual, a stick shift and even I knew that the fact that a chic was driving a manual was very impressive to Jarad...it might as well be a country song but when it was happening, I never thought anything of it, I never thought Jarad thought of me as anything more than a friend who tried her best to look out for him. The story of Jarad and I could take over anything I write but this time I'll try to get back on track.... So I had a beefy little truck that I had a lot of fun in, and was great for getting to school in the snow and/or getting stuck in the mud on the minimum maintenence road.. but it wasn't so safe for going 60 on Highway 30 every afternoon. Thus, we sold the truck and went Neon shopping...
So after test driving the Neon with my Dad and the Saleswoman, and then listening to my Dad finagal the price down, he had to go back to work and Mom came in to complete the paperwork, It felt like we were there the entire day but when I look back it may not have been that long, it just felt like it because I wanted that car, I wanted the pedal under my feet and I really wanted to show all my girlfriends! Although while we sat in the office it felt like the moment would never come.. it finally did - My Mom handed me the keys and said you better be careful and wear your seatbelt...
I climbed in and went straight to Audio Video, I had to show my brother and I had to get a stereo system put in it! He oohhed over it as much as any big brother would, especially since it was a Neon, he didn't have much enthusiasm but did get excited about selling me a stereo- I left the papermats in the car for at least the first couple of weeks, and I wouldn't let any of my friends eat or drink in the car... I became the typical "new car snob" but eventually that wore off, over the years my brother put subs, a new cd player, and a remote start in my car- he offered to do blue underglow lights but something about the lights and a neon didn't seem right to me, so I opted for the remote start instead, he also tinted my windows for me- I left my car at his shop for two days after I got my wisdom teeth pulled and Mom drove me home, when I came back to pick it up the windows were tinted.. it was one of the sweetest things my big brother ever did for me, and of course he brushed it off like it was nothing, but I'll never forget it. Although the car had its fair share of "upgrades" it also had it's fair share of problems- I hit a deer in it, which managed to break one of my fog lights and the front grill.. the deer of course ran off with what I imagine is only a scratch because there was a tuft of deer hair stuck in grill... Also there have been random engine problems, mostly because I let my cousin drive it and he hit what he thinks was a giant piece of tire, while he was going 65 on the interstate, this apparently busted the engine mount and god knows what else, I've had numerous flat tires on the Neon and every time I've been fortunate enough to have kind people, including cops, random strangers, and my best friends come to my rescue to help me change it. While I was in college it got Keyed, and then the house I lived in in Omaha had narrow garage doors and I was not able to back out of it without either scratching the car on something in the garage or catching the side mirror which is now busted to pieces but still sort of usable on one half of it.
The neon has transported a lot of things, people, and animals- Chloe has made the back seat her own.. I don't know if it's possible to actually ever remove all of the dog hair from back there... I've moved almost entire apartments in the Neon, packing it from floor to ceiling including the passenger seat with everything I own, at one point in my life even a Great Dane shared the backseat with Chloe, how they both fit I never quite knew but somehow they made it. When people say they are "living out of their car" I grasp that term quite well, when I was making the drive to Fremont every afternoon, I would have everything I needed for the entire day and evening, clothes, food, drinks, I never knew what I was going to do after work or after class or who I would see, or if we would go to the lakes, or to a movie, I didn't know if I might end up staying the night somewhere and need extra clothes the next day.. yes indeed- I lived out of that car for quite a while.. It may seem weird that I'm so nostalgic about what is now basically a crappy car but it's gotten me thru quite a bit, I'll be sad for a moment when I finally get rid of it.......
I say for a moment because at least hopefully my future car will have Air Conditioning!
I'd like to dedicate this blog to everyone who currently has or ever had a crappy car that got them thru the glory days, hate to see them go but love to watch them leave...
My Little Black 4 wheel drive ford ranger, with tires that were so big they would rub on the wheel well if I turned to sharp, it had a silver roll bar that I spray painted because I didn't like the rust teal that it had been previously. It had a great stereo in it and even subs- it's previous owner (my big brother) had "pimped" this truck to be a total dude mobile- however, it fit my tom boy personality and after I painted the roll bars and added some girly items that hung from the rearview mirror, I was satisfied that this truck, my first vehicle ever could take me to the end of the earth and it would get me there in style with good music. I got that truck because I was almost 14 and would be able to get my school permit and because my brother at the age of 25, needed money but rather than my parents just giving it to him they asked if they could buy the truck for more than it was probably worth. Jarad and I still joke that that truck was the reason he fell in love with me- I had to hop in and out of it as it was to tall for just a normal step, so imagine a 14 year old neighbor girl, with old cut off jean shorts and a tank top hopping out of a little but very tall truck coming over to hang out with the new neighbor boys... Oh and I must not forget to mention that it was a manual, a stick shift and even I knew that the fact that a chic was driving a manual was very impressive to Jarad...it might as well be a country song but when it was happening, I never thought anything of it, I never thought Jarad thought of me as anything more than a friend who tried her best to look out for him. The story of Jarad and I could take over anything I write but this time I'll try to get back on track.... So I had a beefy little truck that I had a lot of fun in, and was great for getting to school in the snow and/or getting stuck in the mud on the minimum maintenence road.. but it wasn't so safe for going 60 on Highway 30 every afternoon. Thus, we sold the truck and went Neon shopping...
So after test driving the Neon with my Dad and the Saleswoman, and then listening to my Dad finagal the price down, he had to go back to work and Mom came in to complete the paperwork, It felt like we were there the entire day but when I look back it may not have been that long, it just felt like it because I wanted that car, I wanted the pedal under my feet and I really wanted to show all my girlfriends! Although while we sat in the office it felt like the moment would never come.. it finally did - My Mom handed me the keys and said you better be careful and wear your seatbelt...
I climbed in and went straight to Audio Video, I had to show my brother and I had to get a stereo system put in it! He oohhed over it as much as any big brother would, especially since it was a Neon, he didn't have much enthusiasm but did get excited about selling me a stereo- I left the papermats in the car for at least the first couple of weeks, and I wouldn't let any of my friends eat or drink in the car... I became the typical "new car snob" but eventually that wore off, over the years my brother put subs, a new cd player, and a remote start in my car- he offered to do blue underglow lights but something about the lights and a neon didn't seem right to me, so I opted for the remote start instead, he also tinted my windows for me- I left my car at his shop for two days after I got my wisdom teeth pulled and Mom drove me home, when I came back to pick it up the windows were tinted.. it was one of the sweetest things my big brother ever did for me, and of course he brushed it off like it was nothing, but I'll never forget it. Although the car had its fair share of "upgrades" it also had it's fair share of problems- I hit a deer in it, which managed to break one of my fog lights and the front grill.. the deer of course ran off with what I imagine is only a scratch because there was a tuft of deer hair stuck in grill... Also there have been random engine problems, mostly because I let my cousin drive it and he hit what he thinks was a giant piece of tire, while he was going 65 on the interstate, this apparently busted the engine mount and god knows what else, I've had numerous flat tires on the Neon and every time I've been fortunate enough to have kind people, including cops, random strangers, and my best friends come to my rescue to help me change it. While I was in college it got Keyed, and then the house I lived in in Omaha had narrow garage doors and I was not able to back out of it without either scratching the car on something in the garage or catching the side mirror which is now busted to pieces but still sort of usable on one half of it.
The neon has transported a lot of things, people, and animals- Chloe has made the back seat her own.. I don't know if it's possible to actually ever remove all of the dog hair from back there... I've moved almost entire apartments in the Neon, packing it from floor to ceiling including the passenger seat with everything I own, at one point in my life even a Great Dane shared the backseat with Chloe, how they both fit I never quite knew but somehow they made it. When people say they are "living out of their car" I grasp that term quite well, when I was making the drive to Fremont every afternoon, I would have everything I needed for the entire day and evening, clothes, food, drinks, I never knew what I was going to do after work or after class or who I would see, or if we would go to the lakes, or to a movie, I didn't know if I might end up staying the night somewhere and need extra clothes the next day.. yes indeed- I lived out of that car for quite a while.. It may seem weird that I'm so nostalgic about what is now basically a crappy car but it's gotten me thru quite a bit, I'll be sad for a moment when I finally get rid of it.......
I say for a moment because at least hopefully my future car will have Air Conditioning!
I'd like to dedicate this blog to everyone who currently has or ever had a crappy car that got them thru the glory days, hate to see them go but love to watch them leave...
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
LLLoooooooooooVVVVVVeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I love that I only have 10 and a half more hours of work until I'm on a four day vacation! (not consecutively of course) but just tomrrow and the rest of today- I cannot wait! I also Love that it's been in the upper 80's all week, Jarad and I have been doing so much outside in the evenings and I love it! I love that I was on a sandbar last night, with my boyfriend, as the sun was setting, I told him we were standing in a postcard for Nebraska. I love that he picked up a "sea shell" and gave it to me, told me to pretend we were on vacation by the ocean and put his arm around me. I Love that he held my hand as we strolled across the sand, stopping and blocking each other when the wind would gust it around. I love that he is making plans for our future 4-wheeling adventures together, I love that we hiked thru an old german cemetery. I love that we watched deer run thru the forest and we watched a raccoon scavenge thru a field. I love that we read the newspaper online during the day and then we talk about the articles after work. I love that he helped me find an old door for my door project and that he's going to help me find another. I love that he actually communicated with me that he was happy with us, that we were good, really good, I love that he said it and that I agreed and that he didn't just assume I knew. I love that he conquered his jeep all in one afternoon, and I love that he then tries to explain to me how the car is put together, what each part does, and what it's called, and I love that sometimes I even understand. I love that he lets me do the grilling and always enjoys what I make. I love that he knows all my extremely tickalish spots and never hesitates to use them against me.
(Insert Deep Breath Here)
I love that on Friday I'll have my credit card paid off in full. I love that June is the last time I pay rent at an apartment I've grown to hate. I love that I've finally figured out how to combine my furniture with Jarads. I love that he trusts me to decorate, but he still lets me know that he doesn't do well with curtains or flowers, he also told me he didn't do well with candles, but I slipped in a few with no complaints. I love that he knows I'm an obsessive compulsive "nester" and home decor is my hobby and I love that he doesn't mind, I love that taking apart his car for an entire evening is his hobby and I love the way he looks when he's covered in oil, elbow deep in an engine. I love that he knows that the mower we use to mow our yard is the same one he was working on the day I drove up in a golf cart to introduce myself. I love that he remembers in detail what the weather was like when we shared our first kiss and that it is the reason he loves cloudy rainy days in the spring. I love that he has wonderful and crazy stories about his life and his experiences. I love that he loves my family and I love that I consider his family as my own. I love that we both feel the need for exploring and learning. I love that we both cherish the history of things, where they came from, what their story is, etc.
I love that I'm on top of the mountain right now, like I told Jarad last night- there will be valleys again, I'm sure of it, but I'm going to induldge in our extremely high peak right now :)
I love being in love with my best friend.
(Insert Deep Breath Here)
I love that on Friday I'll have my credit card paid off in full. I love that June is the last time I pay rent at an apartment I've grown to hate. I love that I've finally figured out how to combine my furniture with Jarads. I love that he trusts me to decorate, but he still lets me know that he doesn't do well with curtains or flowers, he also told me he didn't do well with candles, but I slipped in a few with no complaints. I love that he knows I'm an obsessive compulsive "nester" and home decor is my hobby and I love that he doesn't mind, I love that taking apart his car for an entire evening is his hobby and I love the way he looks when he's covered in oil, elbow deep in an engine. I love that he knows that the mower we use to mow our yard is the same one he was working on the day I drove up in a golf cart to introduce myself. I love that he remembers in detail what the weather was like when we shared our first kiss and that it is the reason he loves cloudy rainy days in the spring. I love that he has wonderful and crazy stories about his life and his experiences. I love that he loves my family and I love that I consider his family as my own. I love that we both feel the need for exploring and learning. I love that we both cherish the history of things, where they came from, what their story is, etc.
I love that I'm on top of the mountain right now, like I told Jarad last night- there will be valleys again, I'm sure of it, but I'm going to induldge in our extremely high peak right now :)
I love being in love with my best friend.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Peaks and Valleys
Well, my coworker and I were having a conversation about how our lives are always a series of peaks and valleys, and specifically relationships are definately that way, I would like to happily state that Jarad and I are out of our valley and on the way up a beautiful and fantastic peak. He was so good to me this weekend, and most of last week as well, but it felt like he made sure that he and I had our time even just a few minutes here and there to be us, and this is especially impressive considering he worked all weekend and was pretty exhausted. So, I feel I may have overexagerated our valley the other week/weekend, we did go thru a valley that is for sure, but it maybe was more of a medium size valley and less of the grand canyon.. lol.. Anyway, we are both improving on our faults and life seems really good today :) - Before I forget - HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!!!!! (Ok, a day late but still) I had a fantastic breakfast with my grandma, mom, and family.. I got to chase after my neice and nephew for a few hours and that always lifts my spirits.. at 1 and 3 years old they are defiantely a handful!! I love that my brother says my Neice takes after me, she is a total tom boy, loves playing in the dirt and getting dirty, not so much about dresses and dolls.. haha - my family also says she is like me because she's very intense, always observing everything, loovvvess books and pictures, and also (like yours truely) she's an eater.. haha not picky about her food, will eat about anything at anytime.. lol.. I can't wait to watch her grow up! Here's a random picture of Miss Kinley Ann so you can imagine how she has me wrapped around her dirty little fingers!
This picture was from around Valentines Day, so you can imagine how much she has grown and is even more on the move in the last couple of months, she is already walking!
Anyway, enough proud Aunt talk..lol.. I'm trying to focus on things that make me happy because currently work is NOT one of those things, I can't figure out exactly what is going on with my boss but he is stressed and isn't being a good boss, he is snippy and has an attitude with me, and it's annoying because he was the boss that I could always talk with and now it is NOT that way, I'm hoping that whatever is going on with him passes and things go back to normal, he has been acting this way for a while now so I don't know... I'm frustrated and I don't do well with attitude especially from men who area already a little too full of themselves for their own good... but I didn't mind that when he appreciated me, now that he doesn't show me that appreciation, I'm starting to agree with most peoples interpretation that he is just a cocky jerk. Oh well, I keep using the common line in this generation "at least I have a job..."
I'm excited because I decided to take May 22nd off of work, which means I'll have a four day weekend with Memorial day on Monday the 25th! Four entire days off of work are going to be fantastic!!!!!! It can't come fast enough..lol.. I worry about my BF tho because it doesn't sound like he'll have any days off anytime soon, he's pretty sure he won't work on Monday of Memorial Day, but that still means two more weekends in a row, which basically means he'll have worked 21 days without a day off... ugh... I can't imagine! I have so much respect for his dedication to what he does, and I hope that my support is helpful and I hope he recognizes my support! I'm pretty sure he does, there hasn't been a stressful situation that has come upon us yet that I haven't charged into and worked my hardest to help him thru, so yeah, I think he knows I'm here to help... lol..
So tomorrow, my boss is having a seminar that will last until about 6:30pm, which means I'll be working almost a 10 hour day, that kind of sucks, but at the same time.. it means I get to shorten the rest of the days in my week AND I get to have free dinner and a pretty good restaurant. So, I'm not complaining, except knowing my luck, Tuesday will be the warmest nicest day weatherwise, and I'll be stuck inside..lol.. again, oh well at least I get to leave at 3pm for most every other day this week :) Which means less than 2 and a half hours till my day is over!
I think I'm going to wrap this up and do some online window shopping for a bit.. haha - I just wanted to shout from the top of my peak that we made it thru the valley and life is fantastic!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Being BlogPositive
Well, I feel kinda bad about being Debbie Downer lately... I especially because it's not just on the blog.. I mean journaling on here is a way for me to release some negative feelings so it's more so on the blog, but also in general I haven't been in the best of moods.. and I feel bad because I especially think it put a damper on last nigiht... Jarad was being very nice to me, but I guess I was "transitioning" because I didn't accept or respond to it very well... I guess I had just put it in my head that I was going to have to be Ok with just being a friend for a while, so it was hard for me to flip that switch right away into being all lovey dovey... and I felt like it wasn't fair that we had to play by his schedule, when he wants to be sweet and nice to me, then that's how we are, and when he doesn't then that's how we are.. but what about what I want? What about when I want to be romantic and he wants to work on his truck? It just didn't feel like there was an equal level of control and all of that combined made me weird last night.. so I can only hope he gives it another shot tonight... but I guess I can't blame him if he doesn't... Although, it is pizza and a pitcher night, which usually seems to be enjoyable for us, so maybe it will all work itself out..
I'm anxious that it is May, it means so much exciting stuff will be coming up, for one I'm going to plant my plants in my garden soon, and I'm very excited for that to take place!!!! I'm also going to help G-ma plant flowers and she is going to give me a few to plant in pots for the outside of our house, and the rose bushes are starting to bloom, so I love that things are starting to grow..
The other very obvious thing to look forward to is Warm weather, open windows, top off the jeep, and all the great things that come along with sunshine! lol
The final thing that makes me very excited for May, well actually June, but getting to May is one step closer to getting to June..lol.. Anyway, I'll finally be combining my living situations. My apartment lease is up at the end of June, my roomate is getting a place with her boyfriend, and since I consider Fremont my home and Jarad and I spend so much time together at his house anyway, and it will save on money, all arrows have pointed to me actually moving in. Of course I'm nervous about it, more for his sake than mine, just because I've lived in a lot of houses with a lot of different types of roomates and I've had some serious relationships, but this is all kind of a first for JayRad and I only hope he can communicate with me about everything that's the only way sharing a living space will work. Over the last couple of months it has more or less like we have been living together, but nothing was ever official we just kind of went in the direction that worked best for both of us, I still have a lot of stuff at my aparment and it will be interesting to see how we fit it all in the little house.. lol... but I'm very excited, Jarad is, although we have our struggles, the only person I see myself duking it out with for a very long time... He has come a long way over the years of our friendship, and I have no doubts that he will continue to grow into an even more amazing man, it's just not happening quite as quickly as I had hoped.. haha jk- it's the typical frustration of Girls maturing faster than Boys... it happens in jr high, it happens in high school, and it is still happening after college, I just have to remind myself to take everything in stride, to appreciate the good moments and not stress over the days that we are in a valley instead of on top of a peak...
I know it seems contradicting, all my recent blogs where I'm confused about Jarad, but like I've said before, despite anything and everything, he is my best friend and we care for each other, and everyday we get thru another obstacle, and everyday there is another one to tackle, I can't predict the future, but I do love him and have always looked out for him and will always work for what is best for him, and because I know those things from the bottom of my heart, I have no reserves in sharing a home with him.
I have to remember that Jarad isn't the superhero I have built him up to be, so often I expect the world from him, I expect him to be the incredibly hard and dedicated worker that he is, I expect him to be a loving caring member of his family, I expect him to be able to fix every electrical, mechanical, and every other ical problem that there ever is, and I expect him to love me whole heartedly and be the romantic prince who sweeps me off my feet.... ugh, that's a lot to expect from someone, the funny part is, I actually believe he can do it, just not maybe all in one day :)
I know his heart is in the right place, even if his actions currently are not.. and what is in his heart is what I'm connected to, and the reason I love him everyday and the reason I'll do anything for him, maybe I have doubts and maybe I'll continue to... but I know that if we move forward together with out hearts in the right place... it will work out the way it's supposed to in the end.
I'm anxious that it is May, it means so much exciting stuff will be coming up, for one I'm going to plant my plants in my garden soon, and I'm very excited for that to take place!!!! I'm also going to help G-ma plant flowers and she is going to give me a few to plant in pots for the outside of our house, and the rose bushes are starting to bloom, so I love that things are starting to grow..
The other very obvious thing to look forward to is Warm weather, open windows, top off the jeep, and all the great things that come along with sunshine! lol
The final thing that makes me very excited for May, well actually June, but getting to May is one step closer to getting to June..lol.. Anyway, I'll finally be combining my living situations. My apartment lease is up at the end of June, my roomate is getting a place with her boyfriend, and since I consider Fremont my home and Jarad and I spend so much time together at his house anyway, and it will save on money, all arrows have pointed to me actually moving in. Of course I'm nervous about it, more for his sake than mine, just because I've lived in a lot of houses with a lot of different types of roomates and I've had some serious relationships, but this is all kind of a first for JayRad and I only hope he can communicate with me about everything that's the only way sharing a living space will work. Over the last couple of months it has more or less like we have been living together, but nothing was ever official we just kind of went in the direction that worked best for both of us, I still have a lot of stuff at my aparment and it will be interesting to see how we fit it all in the little house.. lol... but I'm very excited, Jarad is, although we have our struggles, the only person I see myself duking it out with for a very long time... He has come a long way over the years of our friendship, and I have no doubts that he will continue to grow into an even more amazing man, it's just not happening quite as quickly as I had hoped.. haha jk- it's the typical frustration of Girls maturing faster than Boys... it happens in jr high, it happens in high school, and it is still happening after college, I just have to remind myself to take everything in stride, to appreciate the good moments and not stress over the days that we are in a valley instead of on top of a peak...
I know it seems contradicting, all my recent blogs where I'm confused about Jarad, but like I've said before, despite anything and everything, he is my best friend and we care for each other, and everyday we get thru another obstacle, and everyday there is another one to tackle, I can't predict the future, but I do love him and have always looked out for him and will always work for what is best for him, and because I know those things from the bottom of my heart, I have no reserves in sharing a home with him.
I have to remember that Jarad isn't the superhero I have built him up to be, so often I expect the world from him, I expect him to be the incredibly hard and dedicated worker that he is, I expect him to be a loving caring member of his family, I expect him to be able to fix every electrical, mechanical, and every other ical problem that there ever is, and I expect him to love me whole heartedly and be the romantic prince who sweeps me off my feet.... ugh, that's a lot to expect from someone, the funny part is, I actually believe he can do it, just not maybe all in one day :)
I know his heart is in the right place, even if his actions currently are not.. and what is in his heart is what I'm connected to, and the reason I love him everyday and the reason I'll do anything for him, maybe I have doubts and maybe I'll continue to... but I know that if we move forward together with out hearts in the right place... it will work out the way it's supposed to in the end.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Would have been a great day to stay in bed...
I was thinking to myself the other day about the "chicken or the egg" theory.. you know, which came first? Except I was comparing it to my feelings or the weather, both crappy but which came first? I seem more sane if I assume that the dreary weather made my mood dreary.. but I'm not so entirely sure... If I had much to say about "purgatory" - I would think that it might be where I'm at, not heaven, not hell... limbo.. just waiting, just holding on to the idea that he is my best friend and has always been, so even when it seems like we have nothing else, we have that... and maybe it I hold on to that long enough, we will come out of this slump we are in... The drunk neighbor guy thought we were brother and sister, and even though he was drunk, I still felt like he was spot on about the way Jarad's been acting around me... another buddy, pal, friend that is a girl, etc... I can't live out my life that way, I'm far to much of a dreamer, to much of a romantic, too much of a girl.. but for now, as previously mentioned, I can be his best friend and assume the best, assume he will see me as a beautiful woman... someday...
I've never thought Jarad takes anything for granted, but I do think he lets some things go unnoticed that maybe should be recognized... and I don't even think he does it on purpose, in his head he recognizes he just doesn't ever express the gratitude, or at least, he doesn't express it well... I'm ok with that most of the time, I don't expect him to grovel at my feet everytime I make sure he has clean clothes for work, but I've always held on to the notion that Jarad shows his appreciation in BIG ways, I like to show it in little ways every day, and I always thought Jarad liked to show it once or twice in a big way, I guess the problem, and it's my problem not his, but my problem is I started waiting for that big thing, that one thing that really would blow me away, when I wasn't expecting it and when Jarad really did want to do something for me, just for me, just because I matter... I just realized (and this is the reason I journal this stuff out, to help me come to realizations) but I realized that Jarad did do something big for me, my garden, he worked really hard on that, and I shouldn't take that for granted... It means a lot to me, and I know he did that just for me, I guess the reason it didn't strike me at first is because I felt like he was making it so that I would have something to do and he could do his own thing... it didn't seem like something we were going to do together, but nothing seems like something we are going to do together, unless it's me helping him clean something.....
In saying that, I realize we sound like a married couple, and you know I wouldn't mind sounding that way, except Jarad made it pretty clear he didn't want to be an old married couple, he didn't want to be married at all, he wanted to do his own thing on his own time and he didn't want to have to mention it to me... so apparently he wants all the perks of being married, the dedication to supporting him and helping him whenever he needs, but the freedom of being single to run off and forget about me and my feelings at the drop of a hat.. humph.. that's not going to work out for me so well..
On a happier note, my best friend Jessica is graduating from Pharmacy school this weekend, and Friday night is her graduation party in Omaha, should be a lot of fun, I'm so proud of her she was the valedictorian of my class, so I never doubted she would do something great, but she really has worked hard and spent a lot of years in school.. so she deserves all the awesome things that are about to come her way... I figure Jarad won't want to go out in Omaha and will have to work in the morning anyway, but at least he'll be happy that he gets to spend some more time apart from me... ugh, I wish I didn't sound so bitter... it's just that he's made that argument that we need to spend time apart over and over and over.. it finally just kind of rubbed me the wrong way.. I'm happy to spend the evening with my best friend/roomate at my apartment, I really enjoy even.. so idk why I feel like it needs to be about Jarad and his space... I guess because he is the one who made such a big deal about it..
I hate that I've been so negative, I love Jarad, I think that is obvious, we are just rattled right now, and I miss him, but I'm trying to make him happy, and what he said would make him happy is not spending so much time with me, that's kind of a kick in the ass no matter how you put it... I know it's healthy, I know he's trying to make our relationship work, but I was hoping when we spent time apart it would make our time together stronger, like he said, and it hasn't in fact it's making us more distant.... and That is what I'm scared of.
I'm just burnt out, burnt out on life, I'm burnt out at work, I'm burnt out in trying to understand Jarad, I'm burnt out on living in two places and not having all my stuff in one place, not having one home... I'm tired and burnt out and I just try to stay busy and go thru the motions so that I don't break down....
I should have stayed in bed today... and the worst part about having this feeling today, is it's only Wednesday, and it's not even 10am... it's going to be a long week.... I'm praying tonight isn't a total bust, Jarad said yesterday that he just wants to stay home and lounge together tonight, since we have been so busy with camperville the last couple of days, it's supposed to be rainy and stormy and I'm excited to just relax with my boyfriend, but what I'm afraid will actually happen will be kind of a repeat of Sunday night, Jarad fell asleep on the couch, and I sat in the chair and watched 4 hours of futurama which isn't a very good show but was just on and was mindless, so I watched it while he snored... I just thought to myself, I'd rather listen to him snore then listen to him yell.. I'd rather be watching a stupid adult cartoon than fighting with someone I love... so I kept my mouth shut and that's kind of been the trend since then, keep my mouth shut and we may not be lovers but at least we aren't enemies..... I'm not sure how long that will last, but at least it's allowing some time for thought.
OK, seriously, the depressing rambling is over and done, I'm going to find something to busy myself for a while, hopefully make this terribly long day seem a little bit shorter.
I've never thought Jarad takes anything for granted, but I do think he lets some things go unnoticed that maybe should be recognized... and I don't even think he does it on purpose, in his head he recognizes he just doesn't ever express the gratitude, or at least, he doesn't express it well... I'm ok with that most of the time, I don't expect him to grovel at my feet everytime I make sure he has clean clothes for work, but I've always held on to the notion that Jarad shows his appreciation in BIG ways, I like to show it in little ways every day, and I always thought Jarad liked to show it once or twice in a big way, I guess the problem, and it's my problem not his, but my problem is I started waiting for that big thing, that one thing that really would blow me away, when I wasn't expecting it and when Jarad really did want to do something for me, just for me, just because I matter... I just realized (and this is the reason I journal this stuff out, to help me come to realizations) but I realized that Jarad did do something big for me, my garden, he worked really hard on that, and I shouldn't take that for granted... It means a lot to me, and I know he did that just for me, I guess the reason it didn't strike me at first is because I felt like he was making it so that I would have something to do and he could do his own thing... it didn't seem like something we were going to do together, but nothing seems like something we are going to do together, unless it's me helping him clean something.....
In saying that, I realize we sound like a married couple, and you know I wouldn't mind sounding that way, except Jarad made it pretty clear he didn't want to be an old married couple, he didn't want to be married at all, he wanted to do his own thing on his own time and he didn't want to have to mention it to me... so apparently he wants all the perks of being married, the dedication to supporting him and helping him whenever he needs, but the freedom of being single to run off and forget about me and my feelings at the drop of a hat.. humph.. that's not going to work out for me so well..
On a happier note, my best friend Jessica is graduating from Pharmacy school this weekend, and Friday night is her graduation party in Omaha, should be a lot of fun, I'm so proud of her she was the valedictorian of my class, so I never doubted she would do something great, but she really has worked hard and spent a lot of years in school.. so she deserves all the awesome things that are about to come her way... I figure Jarad won't want to go out in Omaha and will have to work in the morning anyway, but at least he'll be happy that he gets to spend some more time apart from me... ugh, I wish I didn't sound so bitter... it's just that he's made that argument that we need to spend time apart over and over and over.. it finally just kind of rubbed me the wrong way.. I'm happy to spend the evening with my best friend/roomate at my apartment, I really enjoy even.. so idk why I feel like it needs to be about Jarad and his space... I guess because he is the one who made such a big deal about it..
I hate that I've been so negative, I love Jarad, I think that is obvious, we are just rattled right now, and I miss him, but I'm trying to make him happy, and what he said would make him happy is not spending so much time with me, that's kind of a kick in the ass no matter how you put it... I know it's healthy, I know he's trying to make our relationship work, but I was hoping when we spent time apart it would make our time together stronger, like he said, and it hasn't in fact it's making us more distant.... and That is what I'm scared of.
I'm just burnt out, burnt out on life, I'm burnt out at work, I'm burnt out in trying to understand Jarad, I'm burnt out on living in two places and not having all my stuff in one place, not having one home... I'm tired and burnt out and I just try to stay busy and go thru the motions so that I don't break down....
I should have stayed in bed today... and the worst part about having this feeling today, is it's only Wednesday, and it's not even 10am... it's going to be a long week.... I'm praying tonight isn't a total bust, Jarad said yesterday that he just wants to stay home and lounge together tonight, since we have been so busy with camperville the last couple of days, it's supposed to be rainy and stormy and I'm excited to just relax with my boyfriend, but what I'm afraid will actually happen will be kind of a repeat of Sunday night, Jarad fell asleep on the couch, and I sat in the chair and watched 4 hours of futurama which isn't a very good show but was just on and was mindless, so I watched it while he snored... I just thought to myself, I'd rather listen to him snore then listen to him yell.. I'd rather be watching a stupid adult cartoon than fighting with someone I love... so I kept my mouth shut and that's kind of been the trend since then, keep my mouth shut and we may not be lovers but at least we aren't enemies..... I'm not sure how long that will last, but at least it's allowing some time for thought.
OK, seriously, the depressing rambling is over and done, I'm going to find something to busy myself for a while, hopefully make this terribly long day seem a little bit shorter.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Grudges
I've recently been thinking about how people deal with pain, without going into great detail, I've been feeling quite a bit of it lately... things are a bit rocky on the homefront, and I currently am treading lightly, it seems like a wrong step and I find myself on a land mine... and land mine's with Jarad aren't fast explosions, they are days long, drawn out, silent treatments that never end in "we both say we are sorry" - they don't end, until he decideds he wants to be over it..
Recently he's been blowing up because I say stupid things, I can admit it, I make comments that I don't think about them before I say them, and they have obvioiusly rubbed him the wrong way- I mean, I talk a lot and it is inevitable that the more you talk the more likely it is that you will say something stupid......irregardless-I've never been one to hold a grudge,especially for stupid comments, but honestly I don't really even know how to stay mad at someone if they try to make it right with me.. if someone hurts me and I truely care for them, like family or a boyfriend of a year and a half, and they apologize and give me a hug, and explain that they did or said something stupid, then I accept it and move on, it takes too much energy to be mad for more than an hour, maybe a night if it's really bad, but new days bring new beginnings.. unless you are Jarad... I've honestly never known someone who can hold on to something for soooooooo long, I mean we dated right when he graduated high school and I was a freshman in college, we were both train wrecks, and it didn't end well... that was five years ago and it still haunts him and he still doubts my honesty and sincerity to him... seriously.. FIVE YEARS, people change in five years, I hope I am not the same person in 5 years that I am today, I want to improve, and I've definately improved since 5 years ago...
Anyway,Jarad and I deal with pain VERY differently, I want to talk and yell and talk until we've said everything and covered all our basis... he wants to run away from me, ignore my phone calls, my e-mails, even me, when I'm standing in front of him... I can't explain how big of a kick in the stomach that is, I believe it is the most disrespectful thing you can do to someone, but you know I understand that everyone deals with pain and anger differently, so I started giving him his space after an argument, he always said he needed space and time, but what I found was at the end of his "space & time" we still had the same argument wether it was an hour or 3 days, he was still pissy with me and we could have saved 3 days of worry and anger, had the argument right away and gotten over it... so because of all of this, I'm worried.
Jarad and I have not been normal, it especially sucks because all winter long we kept telling ourselves that everything would be better when it got warm out, well guess what... it's warm and we are worse... it feels like he is just pushing me away, finding reasons to fight with me, he wants his time and his space and he doesn't want to have to tell me where he is, when he'll be home, who he is with... you know, I get that to a certain point.. but newsflash... it's a relationship, you keep the other person's feelings and well being in mind at all times, which means probably telling them where you are! The frustrating part is that I really don't think Jarad knows what he wants, because as soon as I agree with him, and offer him ways to get away from me, and as soon as I make other plans to do other things not in Fremont, he seems sad and hurt... I just can't understand him, I go thru my head and say, well it could be stress at work, well it could be the sadness of close friends passing away, well it could be the economy and worry of money, well it could be a billion things, but if WE are in a relationship together, I shouldn't have to play these guessing games, if there is something bothering him, he should know that it's not all on his shoulders, that I want to take some of the stress on mine too, I'm here for him.. but he doesn't do that, he keeps everything to himself and sometimes I think that is worse than those who expect everyone to help them and feel bad for them, at least those people can communicate...
I'm lonely in my relationship, my boyfriend can be in the same house with me for hours and I'm lonely.... it's not all his fault, he is used to being independent and self involved, and I'm used to being co-dependent and concerned about everyone elses well being before my own... I'm working on being more independent, it is a quality I do want to develop.. but somedays I wish he would come my way a little, depend on me, share with me... Again, I say these things as impossible dreams, because I'm not naive, I know that a lot of the things I wish he would do or say, are things that the majority of Men in general do not do or say... but a girl can dream that she will find the exception to the rule..right?
He does so many things well, and he is a very sweet person, sometimes I look at pictures from like last summer and I think.. that was us, that's the Jarad and Kate that are happy together... but it doesn't seem like I'm looking at me and my boyfriend right now, it seems like I'm looking at another couple from a long time ago.. people I knew and thought were soo in love, I wish we could get back there, be them again, growing up sucks, in all reality I'm in a better place then I was then, I'm making more money, I'm paying off debt, I'm learning about myself, I'm trying new hobbies, but I guess I had the barbie doll dream, that me and Ken would grow into all of these things together, become adults together... wrong again. Seems like Ken wants to hop in the 'Barbie Jeep' with any other Barbie or Ken that isn't me. I feel like he connects me with stress and I hate that, I am not a stressful person, anyone you connect your life with is going to affect you, sometimes positively and sometimes negatively.. but I'm not demanding, I don't expect things from him, I just want to be in love and have fun together, sometimes I feel like he just wants me to be another buddy.... Of course I want to be his best friend, but I have needs to, I need romance and attempts at things that maybe aren't what he is into but he knows is something I'll love... I'm not high maintenence but I am a woman, I want flowers, and surprises, and I don't even need material things, I just need moments that are all about him and me together, and the more I think about what I want and need, the more I start to question our relationship, maybe it's a matter of time before he realizes these things or maybe he'll never be that guy and I either have to live with it or live with out it...
We obviously care a great deal about each other, that should never be questioned... but while I used to be soo sure about our future together, I'm not quite there anymore... It's a big future and I want a lot out of it... I used to think Jarad was there with me, and now he's pretty far behind...
I don't know, I'm praying that time and patience will help me sort these kind of things out, I'm in no hurry to make any changes, maybe our moons will balance out or whatever those moons do and we will be back on track again.. I'm putting all my eggs in that basket for now...
Here's to keep your fingers crossed, and a quote from my very favorite angry female musical artist- "The only way Out is Through" - Alanis Morrisette
Recently he's been blowing up because I say stupid things, I can admit it, I make comments that I don't think about them before I say them, and they have obvioiusly rubbed him the wrong way- I mean, I talk a lot and it is inevitable that the more you talk the more likely it is that you will say something stupid......irregardless-I've never been one to hold a grudge,especially for stupid comments, but honestly I don't really even know how to stay mad at someone if they try to make it right with me.. if someone hurts me and I truely care for them, like family or a boyfriend of a year and a half, and they apologize and give me a hug, and explain that they did or said something stupid, then I accept it and move on, it takes too much energy to be mad for more than an hour, maybe a night if it's really bad, but new days bring new beginnings.. unless you are Jarad... I've honestly never known someone who can hold on to something for soooooooo long, I mean we dated right when he graduated high school and I was a freshman in college, we were both train wrecks, and it didn't end well... that was five years ago and it still haunts him and he still doubts my honesty and sincerity to him... seriously.. FIVE YEARS, people change in five years, I hope I am not the same person in 5 years that I am today, I want to improve, and I've definately improved since 5 years ago...
Anyway,Jarad and I deal with pain VERY differently, I want to talk and yell and talk until we've said everything and covered all our basis... he wants to run away from me, ignore my phone calls, my e-mails, even me, when I'm standing in front of him... I can't explain how big of a kick in the stomach that is, I believe it is the most disrespectful thing you can do to someone, but you know I understand that everyone deals with pain and anger differently, so I started giving him his space after an argument, he always said he needed space and time, but what I found was at the end of his "space & time" we still had the same argument wether it was an hour or 3 days, he was still pissy with me and we could have saved 3 days of worry and anger, had the argument right away and gotten over it... so because of all of this, I'm worried.
Jarad and I have not been normal, it especially sucks because all winter long we kept telling ourselves that everything would be better when it got warm out, well guess what... it's warm and we are worse... it feels like he is just pushing me away, finding reasons to fight with me, he wants his time and his space and he doesn't want to have to tell me where he is, when he'll be home, who he is with... you know, I get that to a certain point.. but newsflash... it's a relationship, you keep the other person's feelings and well being in mind at all times, which means probably telling them where you are! The frustrating part is that I really don't think Jarad knows what he wants, because as soon as I agree with him, and offer him ways to get away from me, and as soon as I make other plans to do other things not in Fremont, he seems sad and hurt... I just can't understand him, I go thru my head and say, well it could be stress at work, well it could be the sadness of close friends passing away, well it could be the economy and worry of money, well it could be a billion things, but if WE are in a relationship together, I shouldn't have to play these guessing games, if there is something bothering him, he should know that it's not all on his shoulders, that I want to take some of the stress on mine too, I'm here for him.. but he doesn't do that, he keeps everything to himself and sometimes I think that is worse than those who expect everyone to help them and feel bad for them, at least those people can communicate...
I'm lonely in my relationship, my boyfriend can be in the same house with me for hours and I'm lonely.... it's not all his fault, he is used to being independent and self involved, and I'm used to being co-dependent and concerned about everyone elses well being before my own... I'm working on being more independent, it is a quality I do want to develop.. but somedays I wish he would come my way a little, depend on me, share with me... Again, I say these things as impossible dreams, because I'm not naive, I know that a lot of the things I wish he would do or say, are things that the majority of Men in general do not do or say... but a girl can dream that she will find the exception to the rule..right?
He does so many things well, and he is a very sweet person, sometimes I look at pictures from like last summer and I think.. that was us, that's the Jarad and Kate that are happy together... but it doesn't seem like I'm looking at me and my boyfriend right now, it seems like I'm looking at another couple from a long time ago.. people I knew and thought were soo in love, I wish we could get back there, be them again, growing up sucks, in all reality I'm in a better place then I was then, I'm making more money, I'm paying off debt, I'm learning about myself, I'm trying new hobbies, but I guess I had the barbie doll dream, that me and Ken would grow into all of these things together, become adults together... wrong again. Seems like Ken wants to hop in the 'Barbie Jeep' with any other Barbie or Ken that isn't me. I feel like he connects me with stress and I hate that, I am not a stressful person, anyone you connect your life with is going to affect you, sometimes positively and sometimes negatively.. but I'm not demanding, I don't expect things from him, I just want to be in love and have fun together, sometimes I feel like he just wants me to be another buddy.... Of course I want to be his best friend, but I have needs to, I need romance and attempts at things that maybe aren't what he is into but he knows is something I'll love... I'm not high maintenence but I am a woman, I want flowers, and surprises, and I don't even need material things, I just need moments that are all about him and me together, and the more I think about what I want and need, the more I start to question our relationship, maybe it's a matter of time before he realizes these things or maybe he'll never be that guy and I either have to live with it or live with out it...
We obviously care a great deal about each other, that should never be questioned... but while I used to be soo sure about our future together, I'm not quite there anymore... It's a big future and I want a lot out of it... I used to think Jarad was there with me, and now he's pretty far behind...
I don't know, I'm praying that time and patience will help me sort these kind of things out, I'm in no hurry to make any changes, maybe our moons will balance out or whatever those moons do and we will be back on track again.. I'm putting all my eggs in that basket for now...
Here's to keep your fingers crossed, and a quote from my very favorite angry female musical artist- "The only way Out is Through" - Alanis Morrisette
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Decided to Blog today...
Well, not a lot going on today or in general which I'm so glad about.. the last couple of weeks/weekends were jam packed! I haven't decided yet WHAT I'm going to blog about today, and I think I'll just leave it up for the day and randomly comment on things happening around me or on my mind.. sounds fun right?
I realized today that either my mind is slipping or I just stopped caring but I've noticed that I'm not as good with names as I used to be.. It's not terrible yet.. but I mix up Brianne or Brianna or Kirsten vs Kristen.. Diana/Deanna - I used to be very particular about making sure I had it right, but I seem to be slacking at that and I'm not sure why?! Old age I suppose :)
On another note, I've definately been clumsy lately.. beyond my normal stubbing of my toes, I recently got in a fight with the Can crusher we have and it won! The worst part is, it looks like I got punched in the eye... the metal handle fell on my forehead and down my face and bruised my head and scrachted the lid of my eye and made it nice and purple underneath my eye.. yes it looks like I got in a bar fight.. lol.. and I considered using that as my story just so it doesn't sound as stupid as the can crusher handle fell on me..lol.. worse yet Jarad was worried people would think he was beating me up, haha... he was very sweet about it though, obviously it was might fault that I bumped it and it fell on me, but he was very concerned and kept saying he was sorry it happened to me, it was nice because IT HURT!!!!!!! I sobbed a little bit in the bathroom so no one saw then I sucked it up and went back downstairs with Jarad and Sam and had a beer..lol.. so not only was he very sweet to me since I was injured he did it in front of his buddy... reason #4 million and five that I love that guy :) Luckily the bruising and swelling went down pretty quickly, the scratches are still noticeable and a little purple tint under my eye but not terrible, the most painful part is the bump on my forehead, it isn't noticeable when you look at me but it hurts a lot and gives me headaches, again, this happened sunday night and today (tuesday) it's Much better, yesterday was the worst and of course on the day you feel the worst is the day you are super swamped and busy at work.. ugh
Oh well, I made it thru the day, even made it to the visitation for Kelly, a co-worker of Jarad's that passed away in a car accident at the young age of 27, it was a pretty harsh reality to go to a funeral of someone that close to your own age... I didn't know him personally but Jarad and him talked every day at work, so I could tell it was pretty hard on Jarad and I was glad to be there for him.. anyway, I made it thru work and the visitation and we grabbed Arby's and I pretty much crashed..lol.. I laid on the couch, and watched my dvr shows, 30 rock, desperate houswives, and House... there were plenty of things I should have been doing around the house but since last week/weekend was so busy and seemed like a blur, I just wanted to relax..
WHEW- Just got crazy busy around here all of a sudden, but not bad busy... I like busy when I'm knocking things out of the park, getting them done, crossing them off my list, and getting the answers I want, I hate busy when it's busy work and nothing actually ever gets completed, or if it does it gets done incorrectly, I hate wasting time!!! Anyway, I kind of want more coffee!!! lol..
Well my lunch for the second day in a row consisted of Aunt Jan's spicy creamy corn.. lol.. She gave me a big bowl to take home and it's so delicious I've just been eating it as a meal because I like it so much! That, and because we haven't gotten groceries in like a month and the fridge/cupboards are completely empty except for fastfood and easter left overs...lol- Pathetic, I know... I like grocery shopping but I've been wanting Jarad to go with me, I like it even more when we go together but he acts like it's the worst thing in the world... humph oh well, eventually when he is sick of not having groceries, he'll go with me :)
blahhhhhhh I cannot wait until this week is over, get me past April 15th, and I mean way past, I keep saying once tomorrow is over, everything will be better, but I have a feeling I'll have to work some miracle on the 16th or 17th so now I'm saying get me thru this week and everything will hopefully sllllllooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww down. The good news is my day flew by today, the bad news my brain is going to be mush by the time I get home... the plan is to escape around 3:30pm- I was here till almost 5 yesterday, which means I get to leave before 4, for pretty much the rest of the week, as long as I get here by 7:45am instead of 8am like this morning, oopsies... I had to get gas and didn't plan accordingly so I was running a little late, but lucky for me, no one really notices or minds, they know I'm true to my 40 hours and will adjust my days accordingly. The bottom line rule for my hours is this- Never leave before 3pm unless pre-approved, and never show up after 8am unless preapproved, anything before or after those 8-3 hours are pretty flexible.. somedays I stay till 5 some days I leave at 3:30, etc...
so anyways, I'm on hold now with the operations center, this is pretty frequent for me, I call all our operations centers probably 3-8 times a day, making sure all the t's are crossed and i's dotted and everyone in the line is doing their job, it's amazing how many hands touch the paperwork before approval and how much room for error there is when dealing with this stuff.. but that's what I'm here for I suppose- job security.. haha
Well, I used up a good 15 minutes talking to Kristen the new girl up front, I really like her! We just realized we are the same age, like almost to the date, which is exciting because almost everyone here is older than me so it's nice to have someone in the same age group as me, she is engaged which is awesome, but it doesn't sound like she has a lot of education... not to judge, she is very smart and her experience is impressive and great for the job, but I still feel special being one of the few that has a college degree in the office :)
Wow, this blog is going to be pretty boring for those who read it... it's kind of like listening to me talk to myself.. haha but oh well, it helps me sort my thoughts... which when your mind races with ideas like mine, it's good to sort your thoughts.. lol... There are two things I should be doing right now, but I'm putting both of them off until Thur and Friday when my bosses will be in meetings and it will be AFTER the 15th.
I was going to say maybe tonight we will go grocery shopping, but the likelyhood is low, it's suppsoed to be beautiful outside this afternoon and I know we will find something else to busy ourselves with.. lol.. I think I'm going to start tilling up my little garden, I'm terrified to put my plants outside tho... I don't want them to die! I know I need to ween them and bring them outside a little at a time and I'll start doing that this week, but still.. actually planting them in the ground.. EEEK! Here is my list of veggies I'm growing... if I'll actually end up with edible veggies from all these plants it will be a miracle-
Red Peppers
Green Peppers
Orange Peppers
Jalepeno Peppers
Tomatoes
Lettuce
Cucumbers
Onions
Carrots
I think that's everything... yes, I love peppers and that's why I planted a variety, my cucumber plants are not doing the best so idk if those will hold thru, the onions should come out pretty well the rest are a gamble... who knows!?!?
Well, one more hour... this is the moment where I start to hold my breath because something could come across my desk right now that would keep me here till 5, and that's just the way it is... or I could BS and be bored and have nothing to do for an hour.. again who knows?!?!
I do know that for now, I'm wrapping this up, I have some busy work I can do that I'm hoping will be fun and will pass the time a little quicker... enjoy your day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I realized today that either my mind is slipping or I just stopped caring but I've noticed that I'm not as good with names as I used to be.. It's not terrible yet.. but I mix up Brianne or Brianna or Kirsten vs Kristen.. Diana/Deanna - I used to be very particular about making sure I had it right, but I seem to be slacking at that and I'm not sure why?! Old age I suppose :)
On another note, I've definately been clumsy lately.. beyond my normal stubbing of my toes, I recently got in a fight with the Can crusher we have and it won! The worst part is, it looks like I got punched in the eye... the metal handle fell on my forehead and down my face and bruised my head and scrachted the lid of my eye and made it nice and purple underneath my eye.. yes it looks like I got in a bar fight.. lol.. and I considered using that as my story just so it doesn't sound as stupid as the can crusher handle fell on me..lol.. worse yet Jarad was worried people would think he was beating me up, haha... he was very sweet about it though, obviously it was might fault that I bumped it and it fell on me, but he was very concerned and kept saying he was sorry it happened to me, it was nice because IT HURT!!!!!!! I sobbed a little bit in the bathroom so no one saw then I sucked it up and went back downstairs with Jarad and Sam and had a beer..lol.. so not only was he very sweet to me since I was injured he did it in front of his buddy... reason #4 million and five that I love that guy :) Luckily the bruising and swelling went down pretty quickly, the scratches are still noticeable and a little purple tint under my eye but not terrible, the most painful part is the bump on my forehead, it isn't noticeable when you look at me but it hurts a lot and gives me headaches, again, this happened sunday night and today (tuesday) it's Much better, yesterday was the worst and of course on the day you feel the worst is the day you are super swamped and busy at work.. ugh
Oh well, I made it thru the day, even made it to the visitation for Kelly, a co-worker of Jarad's that passed away in a car accident at the young age of 27, it was a pretty harsh reality to go to a funeral of someone that close to your own age... I didn't know him personally but Jarad and him talked every day at work, so I could tell it was pretty hard on Jarad and I was glad to be there for him.. anyway, I made it thru work and the visitation and we grabbed Arby's and I pretty much crashed..lol.. I laid on the couch, and watched my dvr shows, 30 rock, desperate houswives, and House... there were plenty of things I should have been doing around the house but since last week/weekend was so busy and seemed like a blur, I just wanted to relax..
WHEW- Just got crazy busy around here all of a sudden, but not bad busy... I like busy when I'm knocking things out of the park, getting them done, crossing them off my list, and getting the answers I want, I hate busy when it's busy work and nothing actually ever gets completed, or if it does it gets done incorrectly, I hate wasting time!!! Anyway, I kind of want more coffee!!! lol..
Well my lunch for the second day in a row consisted of Aunt Jan's spicy creamy corn.. lol.. She gave me a big bowl to take home and it's so delicious I've just been eating it as a meal because I like it so much! That, and because we haven't gotten groceries in like a month and the fridge/cupboards are completely empty except for fastfood and easter left overs...lol- Pathetic, I know... I like grocery shopping but I've been wanting Jarad to go with me, I like it even more when we go together but he acts like it's the worst thing in the world... humph oh well, eventually when he is sick of not having groceries, he'll go with me :)
blahhhhhhh I cannot wait until this week is over, get me past April 15th, and I mean way past, I keep saying once tomorrow is over, everything will be better, but I have a feeling I'll have to work some miracle on the 16th or 17th so now I'm saying get me thru this week and everything will hopefully sllllllooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww down. The good news is my day flew by today, the bad news my brain is going to be mush by the time I get home... the plan is to escape around 3:30pm- I was here till almost 5 yesterday, which means I get to leave before 4, for pretty much the rest of the week, as long as I get here by 7:45am instead of 8am like this morning, oopsies... I had to get gas and didn't plan accordingly so I was running a little late, but lucky for me, no one really notices or minds, they know I'm true to my 40 hours and will adjust my days accordingly. The bottom line rule for my hours is this- Never leave before 3pm unless pre-approved, and never show up after 8am unless preapproved, anything before or after those 8-3 hours are pretty flexible.. somedays I stay till 5 some days I leave at 3:30, etc...
so anyways, I'm on hold now with the operations center, this is pretty frequent for me, I call all our operations centers probably 3-8 times a day, making sure all the t's are crossed and i's dotted and everyone in the line is doing their job, it's amazing how many hands touch the paperwork before approval and how much room for error there is when dealing with this stuff.. but that's what I'm here for I suppose- job security.. haha
Well, I used up a good 15 minutes talking to Kristen the new girl up front, I really like her! We just realized we are the same age, like almost to the date, which is exciting because almost everyone here is older than me so it's nice to have someone in the same age group as me, she is engaged which is awesome, but it doesn't sound like she has a lot of education... not to judge, she is very smart and her experience is impressive and great for the job, but I still feel special being one of the few that has a college degree in the office :)
Wow, this blog is going to be pretty boring for those who read it... it's kind of like listening to me talk to myself.. haha but oh well, it helps me sort my thoughts... which when your mind races with ideas like mine, it's good to sort your thoughts.. lol... There are two things I should be doing right now, but I'm putting both of them off until Thur and Friday when my bosses will be in meetings and it will be AFTER the 15th.
I was going to say maybe tonight we will go grocery shopping, but the likelyhood is low, it's suppsoed to be beautiful outside this afternoon and I know we will find something else to busy ourselves with.. lol.. I think I'm going to start tilling up my little garden, I'm terrified to put my plants outside tho... I don't want them to die! I know I need to ween them and bring them outside a little at a time and I'll start doing that this week, but still.. actually planting them in the ground.. EEEK! Here is my list of veggies I'm growing... if I'll actually end up with edible veggies from all these plants it will be a miracle-
Red Peppers
Green Peppers
Orange Peppers
Jalepeno Peppers
Tomatoes
Lettuce
Cucumbers
Onions
Carrots
I think that's everything... yes, I love peppers and that's why I planted a variety, my cucumber plants are not doing the best so idk if those will hold thru, the onions should come out pretty well the rest are a gamble... who knows!?!?
Well, one more hour... this is the moment where I start to hold my breath because something could come across my desk right now that would keep me here till 5, and that's just the way it is... or I could BS and be bored and have nothing to do for an hour.. again who knows?!?!
I do know that for now, I'm wrapping this up, I have some busy work I can do that I'm hoping will be fun and will pass the time a little quicker... enjoy your day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, March 2, 2009
So Much for Sneaking out Early
I just wanted to update a few things from the Friday Blog..
First of all, those few things that "came across my desk" while I was blogging, ended up being very time consuming and very annoying projects, I did not get out early- in fact I ended up staying late, and it seemed like everyone here wanted me to make miracles happen! So I was not a happy camper when I left work on Friday, then my car was making a funny noise and it started snowing on my way home, so the drive home was not fun either. When I got home, I just wanted nothing else be to lay down with a pillow over my head, I felt like I couldn't talk or listen to anyone else that day with out screaming.
So, Vicki- if/when you read this, I feel really bad that I missed your call when I got home on Friday, you totally should have just come to the house and left the camera there, I really would not have minded at all, overall I was just having a crappy crappy day.
So, when I finally wrapped up Friday afternoon and ran out of the office to avoid someone else coming up and asking me to do something stupid, I dreadded today because I knew I would have to deal with the follow up of Friday's tasks... and pretty much that is what today has been, plus some... it's been busy, but I guess I shouldn't expect anything less this time of year, between year end values and tax documents, nobody is happy, and I'm lucky enough to be the person who answers the phone when they need to bitch.
The only thing getting me thru these next couple of days is the fact that Cross Canadian is on Wednesday night, the weather is supposed to be a little better in the upcoming days, and I have Thursday off of work. I wish I could say this was all stress free.. but it is not- Nate is going to the concert, and I suspect he will be an asshole to me like he has been for the last 6+ months... this would be one thing, ok so Nates a jerk, end of story- the stressful part comes when Jarad is buddy buddy with him, and I know he will be, especially at this concert- I know it's a strain on Jarad for his friend and his girlfriend not to get along, the part that bugs me is it's Nate's fault we don't get along, I tried several times to clear the air with him and he still treats me like crap... if I were Jarad, and that were my friend, I wouldn't put up with it, not for a second... but Jarad does, and worse than putting up with it, he hides it from me... he tells me that Nate mentioned he would probably go to the concert, the reality? Jarad told him about it and invited him to go... It's a real kick in the stomach, but I'm even over that.. all I want now is Jarad to comfort me when I worry about it, and every time I bring it up and ask for that, he says I'm overreacting, or changes the subject, I just want him to tell me it will be ok, that he won't let Nate take over this concert, I bought the damn tickets for us and our friends to go, not for Nate to make me feel like crap... it's kind of like Nate is another girl.. I mean ultimately, girls get upset about other girls because they feel like the other girl is trying to take their man from them, is trying to tell the man not to be with them... well that's exactly what Nate does, it makes me wonder how Jarad would feel if I happened to text Dennis and tell him when the Red/White Husker game was, and tell him I was going and then happen to meet up with him and other mutual friends there... that would suck and I would never put Jarad in that spot, yet somehow he fails to realize that is exactly what he is doing to me. UGH
Ok, positive thoughts, positive thoughts, the concert will be fun, and I have a day off, positive thoughts...
Good luck with your positive thoughts on this Monday, I'm not doing so well with them, so if you are..send some my way!
First of all, those few things that "came across my desk" while I was blogging, ended up being very time consuming and very annoying projects, I did not get out early- in fact I ended up staying late, and it seemed like everyone here wanted me to make miracles happen! So I was not a happy camper when I left work on Friday, then my car was making a funny noise and it started snowing on my way home, so the drive home was not fun either. When I got home, I just wanted nothing else be to lay down with a pillow over my head, I felt like I couldn't talk or listen to anyone else that day with out screaming.
So, Vicki- if/when you read this, I feel really bad that I missed your call when I got home on Friday, you totally should have just come to the house and left the camera there, I really would not have minded at all, overall I was just having a crappy crappy day.
So, when I finally wrapped up Friday afternoon and ran out of the office to avoid someone else coming up and asking me to do something stupid, I dreadded today because I knew I would have to deal with the follow up of Friday's tasks... and pretty much that is what today has been, plus some... it's been busy, but I guess I shouldn't expect anything less this time of year, between year end values and tax documents, nobody is happy, and I'm lucky enough to be the person who answers the phone when they need to bitch.
The only thing getting me thru these next couple of days is the fact that Cross Canadian is on Wednesday night, the weather is supposed to be a little better in the upcoming days, and I have Thursday off of work. I wish I could say this was all stress free.. but it is not- Nate is going to the concert, and I suspect he will be an asshole to me like he has been for the last 6+ months... this would be one thing, ok so Nates a jerk, end of story- the stressful part comes when Jarad is buddy buddy with him, and I know he will be, especially at this concert- I know it's a strain on Jarad for his friend and his girlfriend not to get along, the part that bugs me is it's Nate's fault we don't get along, I tried several times to clear the air with him and he still treats me like crap... if I were Jarad, and that were my friend, I wouldn't put up with it, not for a second... but Jarad does, and worse than putting up with it, he hides it from me... he tells me that Nate mentioned he would probably go to the concert, the reality? Jarad told him about it and invited him to go... It's a real kick in the stomach, but I'm even over that.. all I want now is Jarad to comfort me when I worry about it, and every time I bring it up and ask for that, he says I'm overreacting, or changes the subject, I just want him to tell me it will be ok, that he won't let Nate take over this concert, I bought the damn tickets for us and our friends to go, not for Nate to make me feel like crap... it's kind of like Nate is another girl.. I mean ultimately, girls get upset about other girls because they feel like the other girl is trying to take their man from them, is trying to tell the man not to be with them... well that's exactly what Nate does, it makes me wonder how Jarad would feel if I happened to text Dennis and tell him when the Red/White Husker game was, and tell him I was going and then happen to meet up with him and other mutual friends there... that would suck and I would never put Jarad in that spot, yet somehow he fails to realize that is exactly what he is doing to me. UGH
Ok, positive thoughts, positive thoughts, the concert will be fun, and I have a day off, positive thoughts...
Good luck with your positive thoughts on this Monday, I'm not doing so well with them, so if you are..send some my way!
Friday, February 27, 2009
Distraction from Reeses
ha - Yes, I have a packagee of Reeses on my desk and I want to eat them, but I just ate lunch and I have three hours left in my work day and I figure I should save them as a snack, at least let my lunch digest a little before devouring them. Reeses Peanut Butter Cups are my favorite candy. I've officially decided that, if I were a state, my state candy would be Reeses. Ok, so you get my point- anyway, the bosses have left for a while today and I don't have a whole lot going on, so I decided to take a break and write again. I don't have much of anything interesting going on to write about but oh well...
Tonight is Jarad's Ham Radio Club Meeting, and apparently the guest speaker is some emergency weather guy, so Jarad is excited and wants me to go with him, so I am, I'm excited for the social part of it, the old guys in this club are very funny and the women are probably twice as funny... lol... so I'm looking forward to it, afterwards I think we are going to go over to our friend's Niki & Chris's house- we've never been there and have been making promises to stop by for a while. Jarad has to work early on Saturday morning so it won't be a late night, but I'm kind of glad... I've been really tired lately, and I thought I was getting sick because my body has been really achy and I've been getting headaches more frequently.. so I'm hoping that some extra sleep will help with that this weekend. I have to say, it was one of those weeks that flew by, but seemed to last forever. I know that doesn't seem to be possible, but if you have had a week or day or even month or year that has flew by but each individual moment seemed to drag on.. you will know what I'm talking about.
Last night Jarad and I went out driving in the truck in the country for a while before we met a friend at franky's for pizza and a pitcher... it was soooooooo nice to be a.) in the truck because it wasn't running for a while, and b.) out on our gravel roads... those roads have been there for Jarad and I thru our entire relationship, those roads are our relationship counselor, our retreat from reality, our laughter and our tears... the night we reunited we went driving on those roads, and every time we find ourselves stressing over our lives, or each other, we find that a drive in the country with no place to go, allows us to open our minds and our hearts to each other... it really means a lot to me, I feel like I can breath again when we get out on a road where all you see is fields and random farm houses in every single direction, no distractions of tv's or computers, just the radio with good music, the rumble of the truck, and the sound of our voices... These things that I'm talking about right now, are the things that have led me to so concretely believe that I need to settle down and live my life in the country....
So, I realized I need to pull myself out of that daydream.. lol.. it's kind of like going to my happy place and I could ramble about it for a very long time... so what else? Well, no major plans for this weekend, which I'm pretty happy about, I'm sure I'll find some random project, I need to spend some time with my Madre... she and my Dad were in Mexico for two weeks, they came back last saturday and I haven't even seen her since they've been back, and I didn't get to see them before they left either, so probably haven't seen the rents for over a month, and tho that's actually pretty typical for our family, my Mom dropped some hints that she would like to have dinner or something to catch up and hear about the oh so exciting life of Jarad and Kate..lol..
It's interesting for me to observe the relationships of parent/children... I moved out of my parents house on August 17th, 2003 and I've never lived with them since, I lived in the dorm for a semester, an apartment with my cousin in Lincoln for 2 and a half years, and then in several apartments and homes in Omaha for the last 3 years... I've had to pay my own bills, budget my money, and take care of my own stuff for 6 years.. granted I'm not saying I did all of those things correctly all the time, it was a learning process, and I learned a lot! Jarad has officially been out of his parents house for one year now.. and I know he too has gone thru the learning process, but sometimes I feel like the different levels that we are on in this process can be a strain... probably more so on me, mostly because I'm female and I over analyze most everything, but sometimes I just wish that he would actually listen and learn from the 5+ years I have of experience over him, just on this one thing.. he is always teaching me things, I learn soooo much from him and I appreciate that, in fact I need it... but he doesn't really ever want to learn from me, or at least he doens't want to admit it, most things I try to explain to him, he disregards or already knows more about it than I do.. maybe it's just because I put him on a pedestal because I think he is amazing, so I assume he already knows everything.. lol.. he isn't a "know it all" and he doesn't have an attitude (most of the time) and I know and love that he is sooooooooo intelligent, so I suppose I can handle his approach to learning from me... at least for now :)
Well, time is not going fast enough today, I really want a reeses.. ha
I got a few things that came to me while I was writing this, that I need to do for work, so hopefully I'll get those done and it will be 2:30pm- I am sneaking out at 2:30pm today.. I stayed late yesterday and no one will be here between 2:30 and 3 to know when I left.. haha Anyway, enjoy your day, enjoy your weekend (even though it will be cold and miserable, at least in NE) stay warm with those you love...
Tonight is Jarad's Ham Radio Club Meeting, and apparently the guest speaker is some emergency weather guy, so Jarad is excited and wants me to go with him, so I am, I'm excited for the social part of it, the old guys in this club are very funny and the women are probably twice as funny... lol... so I'm looking forward to it, afterwards I think we are going to go over to our friend's Niki & Chris's house- we've never been there and have been making promises to stop by for a while. Jarad has to work early on Saturday morning so it won't be a late night, but I'm kind of glad... I've been really tired lately, and I thought I was getting sick because my body has been really achy and I've been getting headaches more frequently.. so I'm hoping that some extra sleep will help with that this weekend. I have to say, it was one of those weeks that flew by, but seemed to last forever. I know that doesn't seem to be possible, but if you have had a week or day or even month or year that has flew by but each individual moment seemed to drag on.. you will know what I'm talking about.
Last night Jarad and I went out driving in the truck in the country for a while before we met a friend at franky's for pizza and a pitcher... it was soooooooo nice to be a.) in the truck because it wasn't running for a while, and b.) out on our gravel roads... those roads have been there for Jarad and I thru our entire relationship, those roads are our relationship counselor, our retreat from reality, our laughter and our tears... the night we reunited we went driving on those roads, and every time we find ourselves stressing over our lives, or each other, we find that a drive in the country with no place to go, allows us to open our minds and our hearts to each other... it really means a lot to me, I feel like I can breath again when we get out on a road where all you see is fields and random farm houses in every single direction, no distractions of tv's or computers, just the radio with good music, the rumble of the truck, and the sound of our voices... These things that I'm talking about right now, are the things that have led me to so concretely believe that I need to settle down and live my life in the country....
So, I realized I need to pull myself out of that daydream.. lol.. it's kind of like going to my happy place and I could ramble about it for a very long time... so what else? Well, no major plans for this weekend, which I'm pretty happy about, I'm sure I'll find some random project, I need to spend some time with my Madre... she and my Dad were in Mexico for two weeks, they came back last saturday and I haven't even seen her since they've been back, and I didn't get to see them before they left either, so probably haven't seen the rents for over a month, and tho that's actually pretty typical for our family, my Mom dropped some hints that she would like to have dinner or something to catch up and hear about the oh so exciting life of Jarad and Kate..lol..
It's interesting for me to observe the relationships of parent/children... I moved out of my parents house on August 17th, 2003 and I've never lived with them since, I lived in the dorm for a semester, an apartment with my cousin in Lincoln for 2 and a half years, and then in several apartments and homes in Omaha for the last 3 years... I've had to pay my own bills, budget my money, and take care of my own stuff for 6 years.. granted I'm not saying I did all of those things correctly all the time, it was a learning process, and I learned a lot! Jarad has officially been out of his parents house for one year now.. and I know he too has gone thru the learning process, but sometimes I feel like the different levels that we are on in this process can be a strain... probably more so on me, mostly because I'm female and I over analyze most everything, but sometimes I just wish that he would actually listen and learn from the 5+ years I have of experience over him, just on this one thing.. he is always teaching me things, I learn soooo much from him and I appreciate that, in fact I need it... but he doesn't really ever want to learn from me, or at least he doens't want to admit it, most things I try to explain to him, he disregards or already knows more about it than I do.. maybe it's just because I put him on a pedestal because I think he is amazing, so I assume he already knows everything.. lol.. he isn't a "know it all" and he doesn't have an attitude (most of the time) and I know and love that he is sooooooooo intelligent, so I suppose I can handle his approach to learning from me... at least for now :)
Well, time is not going fast enough today, I really want a reeses.. ha
I got a few things that came to me while I was writing this, that I need to do for work, so hopefully I'll get those done and it will be 2:30pm- I am sneaking out at 2:30pm today.. I stayed late yesterday and no one will be here between 2:30 and 3 to know when I left.. haha Anyway, enjoy your day, enjoy your weekend (even though it will be cold and miserable, at least in NE) stay warm with those you love...
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
A little of this a little of that...
I've obviously been neglecting the ol' blogger- and since I am FINALLY having a slow day at work, I decided to stretch my fingers and release some thoughts, since I clearly have not done so in a while, and Jarad has commented that he does not approve of my writers strike (more like writers block for me) I let my head get wrapped around too many other things, there is always something that seems more pressing, or more important. For example, my latest endeavor has been getting one of my medical bills paid off, I plot and plan, and I get on my spread sheet and calculate if I only pay this on that, and that on this, I can pay this much on that bill. Well, the good news? It works! My goal was to have the bill paid off by April 10th, and I will actually have it paid off by March 13th, so I'm a month early! Which is fantastic because that just means that is that much more money I can put towards another bill :) - I know, I let myself get too wrapped up in bills, money is money, there is never going to be enough of it, but when you get yourself in the debt that I did, after breaking my leg with no health insurance, it starts to weigh on you, you start to feel like your drowning in debt, not to mention the school debt I have (which compared to most is minimal, but still there) and then the random credit card debt, which again is very minimal, but with every other bill, not all that easy to just pay off. The good news is I got my merit raise, which is basically a 3% raise, which doesn't seem like much, but it's almost $70 dollars more per month, and I get my recruiting commission, which varies from month to month, but this month is almost $300 - YAY! Ok, seriously, do you see what I mean? My mind is one track, I can't even write about anything but budgeting.... argh - changing subject...
It's supposed to be almost 60 degrees out today, woo hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm leaving work by 3pm, and hoping to wash my car and spend some time outside.. I'm sort of like a guy when it starts to get nice out, I just tinker around the yard, looking for things to do, one of many reasons that Apartment living makes me want to throw up, there is no yard to wonder around!! Thankfully, I take advantage of Jarad's - it's small but I'm looking forward to fixing up the rock/bushes area around the house.
Speaking of the infamous JayRad... we are happy :) - He has been very concious of me lately, and I feel almost spoiled! He has been noticing things that I need or would like, and in return, I think I've become much less demanding and I'm completely satisfied with our life and our relationship, instead of constantly trying to improve it. We have definately reached a very spectacular place in our relationship, which we all knew would happen in due time, but man I'll be the first to admit it did not come fast and it did not come easy, but it was all totally worth it. Communication has been a key point that we have worked on lately, and something we will continue to work on I'm sure of it, I used to think that I was "the communicator" that I always said what needed to be said, but I've realized, that I think about everything that needs to be said, and I think that I'm showing it, but what I think in my head is not always what I'm showing and it's definately not what I'm saying (that might be confusing) but it makes sense to me and I'm working on actually saying the things I think, especially the good things, like when Jarad does or says something that I really like, I used to smile and assume he knew it, now I smile and make sure that he knows it.
I feel like I'm still kind of teeter-tottering in the career world.. I love my job, the people I work with are fantastic, they try to compensate me the best they can (especially in today's economy) but the bottom line is, I'm not going to be doing this forever. I already feel like, though I'm exceptionally good at what I do, it's because I should be, it's because I have a college degree, experience in a business setting, and I'm extremely driven, basically, I am probably over qualified for the job I do. Most of the staff around me do not have college degrees, and this is one of the first offices they've worked in- granted, our jobs are different, I work for the two vice presidents, they do not, I have to deal with recruiting, they do not, etc etc.. but in the end... someday, I will need to challenge myself again, and I'm terrified but excited to do that, and more than anything I'm clueless on how... I got a little time, I figure I'll be 24 in 6 months, a lot of people are just finishing or still in college at that age, I've been at my current job for 2 and half years, and... well, I just think that you know if in the next year or two an event were to be planned, that would require me to change my last name, and I would need to take some time off, I'd rather be at my job that is flexible and allows me quite a bit of time off... enough said. lol
So let me tell you about the very exciting month of March! First of all, coming up very soon is the Cross Canadian Ragweed Concert!!! This is Jarad's favorite band right now, and I can't lie, their music has very much grown on me, I've liked it from the beginning but originally I didn't like who introduced it to Jarad, now, I'm past it, you can't let immature people stop you from liking a really good band! So, that is March 4th, then I took March 5th off of work just because I knew it would be a late night and I'm due for just a day off :) - Then, March 17th is St. Patrick's Day, which is one of my FAVORITE holidays...it's a family thing, I've grown up knowing a lot about the Irish heritage in my family and so we like to make big to dos about the green holiday. Most exciting about St.Patrick's day is going to O'Neill, NE - that will be the weekend of March 20th- 22nd. My brother,sister-in-law, sister, brother-in-law, two of their friends, Jarad, me, and two of our friends are all heading up to O'Neill, it is the Irish capital of Nebraska and around St.Patrick's Day turns in to Spring Break in NE, haha - They have parades, and everyone dresses in their crazy green gear, every one of the 3 bars is jam packed full, they have food vendors all over the little town, and the hotel offers shuttles to and from any place you need to go (no driving after green beer) - Anyway, it's a blast and one I've enjoyed with my siblings for several years now. I can't Wait!!! THEN, the following weekend, Saturday, March 28th is my work Awards Banquet, it is at the Lied Lodge in Nebraska City, which I hear is really cool, Jarad and I got our dinner paid for, our hotel room paid for, all we need to do is show up in our black tie attire and have fun! There is also a wine tasting hayrack ride, which should also be really cool. I haven't been to Nebraska City since I was really young, so I'm excited to check it out... plus, most of the people I work with are a lot of fun, tho they are a bit different than Jarad and I are used to (since they are 'city folk') - they are really nice, and I think it's good for us to have a change of pace once in a while! So, yes March should be full of fun, although the weekends are jammed packed which means not a lot of time to relax! Oh well, it's about time we start coming out of hybernation!
I might as well keep going, I realized that today is Ash Wednesday, which means that today is the beginning of lent, and some people choose to give things up for the 40 days of lent... I was thinking about that, and it kind of seems like something I should do, maybe not for all the religious reasons, but more just a way to push myself into being a better person, for 40 days.. lol... gotta start somewhere right? - So I've been debating all day on what to give up, or what to start (ie excercising, flossing every day, etc) ideally, I'd like to go walking every day... but with the weather so up and down and me hating the cold so much... I don't know if I could get myself to do it on the cold days... then I thought about giving up fast food, which really wouldn't be that hard for me, I never crave fast food, but it would be difficult because for 1. I date Jarad who is hooked, and for 2. It's convenient... but really, I don't typically eat fast food unless its recommended by someone I'm with, ramen noodles are cheaper and just as convenient, (you can subsitute other things besides ramen, but you get my drift) - So if I do the fast food thing, I think I need to get JayRad on board with me... I weighed a couple of other options in my head, but with all the partying coming up, things like giving up beer would be nearly impossible... haha So, I'm currently undecided, I'll talk it over with a few more people today before I make my decision....
Hmmm, well it's 1:30pm- I have an hour and a half left to go, and I wish I could think of something that would make that time go quickly... but not be soo overwhelming that I have to stay late.. I have a few calls to make, but nothing that will take an hour and a half.. hmm - the thought of sneaking out at 2:30 weighs in the back of my head, it would just mean that I'd have to work later tomorrow and/or Friday, but hey it's supposed to be cold and freezing rain those days, so it's worth it... right?! We'll see, but I'll wrap this blog up for now- I hope my updates and rambling weren't too boring, Jarad was correct in saying that I need to write... for me it's like the need to eat, sleep, and pee... you just have to do it. :)
Until next time....
It's supposed to be almost 60 degrees out today, woo hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm leaving work by 3pm, and hoping to wash my car and spend some time outside.. I'm sort of like a guy when it starts to get nice out, I just tinker around the yard, looking for things to do, one of many reasons that Apartment living makes me want to throw up, there is no yard to wonder around!! Thankfully, I take advantage of Jarad's - it's small but I'm looking forward to fixing up the rock/bushes area around the house.
Speaking of the infamous JayRad... we are happy :) - He has been very concious of me lately, and I feel almost spoiled! He has been noticing things that I need or would like, and in return, I think I've become much less demanding and I'm completely satisfied with our life and our relationship, instead of constantly trying to improve it. We have definately reached a very spectacular place in our relationship, which we all knew would happen in due time, but man I'll be the first to admit it did not come fast and it did not come easy, but it was all totally worth it. Communication has been a key point that we have worked on lately, and something we will continue to work on I'm sure of it, I used to think that I was "the communicator" that I always said what needed to be said, but I've realized, that I think about everything that needs to be said, and I think that I'm showing it, but what I think in my head is not always what I'm showing and it's definately not what I'm saying (that might be confusing) but it makes sense to me and I'm working on actually saying the things I think, especially the good things, like when Jarad does or says something that I really like, I used to smile and assume he knew it, now I smile and make sure that he knows it.
I feel like I'm still kind of teeter-tottering in the career world.. I love my job, the people I work with are fantastic, they try to compensate me the best they can (especially in today's economy) but the bottom line is, I'm not going to be doing this forever. I already feel like, though I'm exceptionally good at what I do, it's because I should be, it's because I have a college degree, experience in a business setting, and I'm extremely driven, basically, I am probably over qualified for the job I do. Most of the staff around me do not have college degrees, and this is one of the first offices they've worked in- granted, our jobs are different, I work for the two vice presidents, they do not, I have to deal with recruiting, they do not, etc etc.. but in the end... someday, I will need to challenge myself again, and I'm terrified but excited to do that, and more than anything I'm clueless on how... I got a little time, I figure I'll be 24 in 6 months, a lot of people are just finishing or still in college at that age, I've been at my current job for 2 and half years, and... well, I just think that you know if in the next year or two an event were to be planned, that would require me to change my last name, and I would need to take some time off, I'd rather be at my job that is flexible and allows me quite a bit of time off... enough said. lol
So let me tell you about the very exciting month of March! First of all, coming up very soon is the Cross Canadian Ragweed Concert!!! This is Jarad's favorite band right now, and I can't lie, their music has very much grown on me, I've liked it from the beginning but originally I didn't like who introduced it to Jarad, now, I'm past it, you can't let immature people stop you from liking a really good band! So, that is March 4th, then I took March 5th off of work just because I knew it would be a late night and I'm due for just a day off :) - Then, March 17th is St. Patrick's Day, which is one of my FAVORITE holidays...it's a family thing, I've grown up knowing a lot about the Irish heritage in my family and so we like to make big to dos about the green holiday. Most exciting about St.Patrick's day is going to O'Neill, NE - that will be the weekend of March 20th- 22nd. My brother,sister-in-law, sister, brother-in-law, two of their friends, Jarad, me, and two of our friends are all heading up to O'Neill, it is the Irish capital of Nebraska and around St.Patrick's Day turns in to Spring Break in NE, haha - They have parades, and everyone dresses in their crazy green gear, every one of the 3 bars is jam packed full, they have food vendors all over the little town, and the hotel offers shuttles to and from any place you need to go (no driving after green beer) - Anyway, it's a blast and one I've enjoyed with my siblings for several years now. I can't Wait!!! THEN, the following weekend, Saturday, March 28th is my work Awards Banquet, it is at the Lied Lodge in Nebraska City, which I hear is really cool, Jarad and I got our dinner paid for, our hotel room paid for, all we need to do is show up in our black tie attire and have fun! There is also a wine tasting hayrack ride, which should also be really cool. I haven't been to Nebraska City since I was really young, so I'm excited to check it out... plus, most of the people I work with are a lot of fun, tho they are a bit different than Jarad and I are used to (since they are 'city folk') - they are really nice, and I think it's good for us to have a change of pace once in a while! So, yes March should be full of fun, although the weekends are jammed packed which means not a lot of time to relax! Oh well, it's about time we start coming out of hybernation!
I might as well keep going, I realized that today is Ash Wednesday, which means that today is the beginning of lent, and some people choose to give things up for the 40 days of lent... I was thinking about that, and it kind of seems like something I should do, maybe not for all the religious reasons, but more just a way to push myself into being a better person, for 40 days.. lol... gotta start somewhere right? - So I've been debating all day on what to give up, or what to start (ie excercising, flossing every day, etc) ideally, I'd like to go walking every day... but with the weather so up and down and me hating the cold so much... I don't know if I could get myself to do it on the cold days... then I thought about giving up fast food, which really wouldn't be that hard for me, I never crave fast food, but it would be difficult because for 1. I date Jarad who is hooked, and for 2. It's convenient... but really, I don't typically eat fast food unless its recommended by someone I'm with, ramen noodles are cheaper and just as convenient, (you can subsitute other things besides ramen, but you get my drift) - So if I do the fast food thing, I think I need to get JayRad on board with me... I weighed a couple of other options in my head, but with all the partying coming up, things like giving up beer would be nearly impossible... haha So, I'm currently undecided, I'll talk it over with a few more people today before I make my decision....
Hmmm, well it's 1:30pm- I have an hour and a half left to go, and I wish I could think of something that would make that time go quickly... but not be soo overwhelming that I have to stay late.. I have a few calls to make, but nothing that will take an hour and a half.. hmm - the thought of sneaking out at 2:30 weighs in the back of my head, it would just mean that I'd have to work later tomorrow and/or Friday, but hey it's supposed to be cold and freezing rain those days, so it's worth it... right?! We'll see, but I'll wrap this blog up for now- I hope my updates and rambling weren't too boring, Jarad was correct in saying that I need to write... for me it's like the need to eat, sleep, and pee... you just have to do it. :)
Until next time....
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