Glowing

This picture is a good example of what my mind feels like today. A whirlwhind of thoughts about Jarad. My coworker told me that I was glowing today, she said she hadn't seen me smile this much in weeks... I didn't even realize I was doing it. I don't know how much or what I want to say yet. Except that I got to be close to the person that I am in love with and even though it was only for a short time, it made me glow.

I have a lot of obstacles to face and challenges to overcome and decisions to make in the future, in the near future. I am afraid I am going to upset some people with my decision and I am going to have to hear a lot of crap. I know that I am a strong person, I know that the decisions I make are my own and no one elses, and I believe that the people who know and love me will support me, but it doesn't make it easy. There is just something about that guy.... I can't get enough of him.

I have, however, said some things I shouldn't have, did some things I shouldn't have, didn't say some things that I should have, and now - I have to sort thru that, understand my mistakes, make my apologies and hope that somehow, I end up with a friend who doesn't hate me, and a boyfriend who loves me. Crap. That is so much easier said than done.

Another complete and utter mindfuck, the world spins when I get to kiss him, my head spins, my heart spins, no one else makes me feel that way. Love isn't easy, but man... it is powerful.

I'm going to end this crazy, vague, confused and so fucking happy blog for now. I will be writing again today, I anticipate a slow day, with a racing mind.

Mwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh