ITCHY!!!!!!!!!!!!

So all week I kept finding these little spots on my arms and legs and hands and feet, and I kept thinking how am I getting so many bug bites?! I had washed my bedding, and chloe just had flea and tick medicine put on her, it can't be any of that, and they weren't mosquito bites because they were too little and randomly popping up. Finally today, when I realized it had spread out, and the spots were bigger, puffier, and oozing with stuff, I realized it is definately a poison plant. Ugh, I'm allergic to poison plants, I know that sounds weird, but I really am, I have trouble getting rid of the stuff, my body likes to transport it all over and I'm very sensitive to it. So anyway, it isn't terrible yet so I'm hoping I caught it early enough that some benadryl and all the other over the counter products will help.

My Mom wins the awesome award today, because she was coming into Omaha so she dropped off all that good medicine to me at work, good thing too, because I was about to go itch crazy! Props to my Mom, and really all Mom's today... for showing up with itch cream when you are about to lose your mind!

So, I had a breakdown last night, I don't have a specific reason why I was on the verge of tears for most of the night, I guess a lot of stress and worrying that I had brought on myself.. finally got the best of me. It's weird because before Jarad, I never had panic attacks, nothing every mattered that much to me, but he really does, I really can't imagine life without him... and when I worry that I may have to, my stomach knots up, I get short of breath, it's a terrible feeling, again I know I do it to myself, and I'm learning to deal with these crazy attacks, but.. .well.. here's hoping I don't have to worry about that forever.

I talked to Jarad a little bit by text last night, I really really REALLY wanted to see him last night, but it didn't work out and probably for the best, we both had people around, and The Office was on till 9pm, so it would have been a late night and we both had work early. But Tonight, I'm really really looking foward to seeing him, I think that tonight will be better anyway because I'm a little bit more under control.

I want to say Happy Birthday to my friend, Dennis. Today is his birthday and I hope he has a wonderful night, and in the chance that I don't' see him this weekend. GO HUSKERS!

I know everyone says this throughout their lives, but at the point where I coule Really use a crystal ball, I need to know somethings about the future, I need to know where things will go with Jarad and I, not because I want them to happen soon or quickly, but because I've never had feelings for someone, like the feelings I have for Jarad, but I don't know what that means yet, after all the stress and drama of things lately, I don't know how he feels or how we will sort thru things, but I love the person that I am, when I'm with Jarad, and I love the person he is, and sorry to sound like a broken record, but I really have never felt that way for anyone else.

Ok, I should probably wrap this up for now. Have a great Friday!