Well yesterday I said that I had hit rock bottom, which could only mean that it can't get any worse... I think I was right. Last night was a much better night and today still getting better. Today this quote came across my desk and it gave me a little more insight...
"Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation."
I'm attempting to do this with the chapter of my life that involved Jarad, I want to appreciate it, be thankful for it, close it, and step forward in an attempt to have something that is even better than my relationship with Jarad. Again, it is difficult for me to accept that that relationship is out there... when I was loving the 'current situation' so much. Yet, it seems important that I look forward, we are pretty much going on day three of Jarad's strike against me. He's hard to accept that he doesn't even care that I'm ok. Not a text, not an e-mail, not a call. I could of been dead in a ditch somewhere Tuesday morning, and he wouldn't know or care. I guess everyone handles love differently... I accepted it, he has flushed it. It's not really that I'm mad at him, just hurt and having a hard time believing that he flipped the switch that quickly. On Tuesday, August 26th... he loved me. On Sunday, August 30th he stopped.
I just don't have that kind of heart.
Anyway, back on my attempts to be positive, I've talked to my bosses and they've agreed to let me work more hours in a week and build up more vacation. I explained to them that there wasn't a lot for me to go home to, my best friend is out of town, my boyfriend dumped me, and my friends mostly work evenings... so- I'm now for sure working at least an extra 4 hours this week and next week. That gives me another day off, or an afternoon, or basically whenever I want to use it, as long as I get the ok by them.
On a seperate note, I'm back to using this blog as my journal.. all the things I need to talk about will be said on here. I don't care who you are, if you read it, if you don't, why you read it, or why you don't. This is for me, don't waste your time wondering if I'm intentionally writing anything for anyone to read, because I'm not. This is my space and I like to read my feelings, it helps me get grasp on reality, I'm sorry if you don't like it, I'm sorry if you don't feel the same way, or if you do, I don't care if you feel sorry for me, or if you think I'm crazy. I like to write about my emotions and this is where I do it.
Enjoy your day, and remember - give thanks and work towards a better situation.
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